An open letter to the Strasbourg Community & Surrounding Areas:
My family is new here. Six months ago, we (a couple of “citidiots”) packed up everything we had in our city life and moved to an acreage 8km from you. To get back to our roots as small town folk. To try our hand at chicken keeping. But most importantly, to get quiet and reconnect to ourselves.
My husband and I are both small town folks growing up. (My husband hails from Quinton and I, from Findlater.)
Growing up in a small town we know how it works. Although I know each small town has its own clicks and querks – at the heart each small town is the same.
The hockey rink is the local hub of socialization. As soon as kids are old enough they are placed on the ice with a helmet, a stack stool and hope. They fall down. Get back up. And try over and over again.
Eventually they move into hockey. The small town sport of coveted notoriety.
You can’t have a gathering of parents on a Friday night, during hockey season, without someone discussing their sons or daughters dream of making it to the big leagues.
As much as towns this size are known for their gossip or clicks or querks there’s also a beauty within it that shines so brightly in a time of tragedy such as what you have endured over the weekend.
There is a love. A love for one another. A love for those lost. A love so deep and so strong because regardless of what you all have been through throughout the years, you have all loved each other.
As Marks family grieves, you will all grieve with them. Because in small towns, everyone loves each other as their own.
I admire how you have all come together. And continue to hold each other up. And share stories. But most importantly: LOVE.
Please know, as your new neighbours we are sending you love. Our hearts are broken with you. We have shed tears for your beloved Mark as well as for all the individuals lost this weekend. And will continue to hold you all in our thoughts as you try to move through this pain.
From where we sit, 8kms away we can feel your sorrow, your pain, and your profound sadness. And our hearts are shattered with yours.
We didn’t grow up here. We didn’t know Mark. We don’t have a family connection to the roots of this town at all. Yet we understand because we know what it’s like to lose one of your own.
And perhaps this understanding of loss is what is pulling us all together as a province, as a country and as a world. We can only imagine your depth of lose.
We all seem to be connected to this tragedy in someway. Yet, each thread of connection is so vastly different.
But perhaps the only common thread we need is LOVE!
May you all continue to find solace in one another.
May you all share your love and stories and from this solidarity, may you find peace.
May you continue to provide one another with strength as you come to grips with your loss as a community.
We will continue to hold space and send you love from every piece of our hearts to yours.
Much love to Mark’s family. As well as to all of you!
I’m done hiding. I’m done feeling ashamed. I’m done. I’m exhausted from hiding away and biding my time until all the smoke has blown over. I miss my blog and I miss my people. I miss writing and creating and “word magic”.
I’ve been gone for a long time. I held a lot of reasons why I couldn’t blog. Why I had to wait. The truth was I was scared. I gave two men the ability to hold the power in our house and in my thoughts. Like prey surrounded by predators, I pulled myself deep into my burrow and kept my head down. But I have finally poked my head up from my hidey hole to share my truth.
In May, my world fucking exploded. My husband came home and told me that we were in deep DEEP financial trouble. First allow me to disclose that upon my staying home with our kids, I willingly forfeited all financial knowledge within our house. I didn’t pay bills or contribute to the household income in any way. It was 100% on my husband’s shoulders. Thank fucking gawd, he has big shoulders, but I digress. My extent of financial involvement: I would ask “Are we ok?” He would assure me we were and off I went. It worked for me, I wanted to be taken care of and hold no financial responsibility and he was willing to let me do just that.
So when he came home and said we were in trouble I went through an array of emotions, from pissed off to disappointment to shame; at him and also at myself. Yet, as much as I wanted to say “Fer fuck sakes, Don” the truth was that I also allowed it by not doing a damn thing to change it.
There are many reasons why we found ourselves in the trouble we were in, from poor financial decisions for the past 20 years, to failed business attempts (on my part) to hefty dental bills (for our entire family) topped off with significant business losses (on my husbands end). Add all these together and we have a recipe for a fire-y blaze of epic proportions.
Our household finances were held together by good looks and pure fucking luck over the past three years. That’s the absolute truth. Ok, fine maybe it wasn’t THAT horrible, but it wasn’t great that’s for sure! We were convinced we could dig out, but eventually we just couldn’t.
The government reminded us of this when they froze all of our bank accounts (due to a significant accounting error we endured a back payment that had yet to be paid)
And then, my husband was gifted one last swift kick in the balls when he was accused of defrauding a company in which he was partners. That’s when the blaze started fucking roaring out of control.
Through tears and pure adrenaline the decision was made to downsize, liquidate and start over. Clear our slate. We listed our house and our lake property. In addition, my husband was forced into a buy out position at his partnership business (which was a secondary business he carried with these “friends”). Don would continue with his personal business and I would increase my work load while homeschooling the kids. We nodded, agreed and off we went.
We quickly got cozy with lawyers and accountants and family and friends. Anyone and everyone who could help us get this fire under control. For six months every waking moment was devoted to digging out of the debt and as well as extinguishing the FUCKING RIDICULOUS accusations.
By October everything was done. Our house was sold as well as our lake property was sold. The false accusations towards my husband were proven to be just that, FALSE and the corporate buy out was complete and we were settled into a new house on an acreage.
We are now four months out of the fire. With time comes clarity. Every movement has a gift, however it’s impossible to see it while the flames are licking at your face. But once the rubble is cool, a person can go back and hunt through the ruins for treasures. That’s the spot we are in now. Hunting for treasures.
As I look back, I can smile because we were gifted so many things:
1) A new respect for our family. For six months, all they heard about was how the fight was going. New changes or little movements that we had to conquer. Each and every conversation was probably exhausting to them, but they all supported us. They held our hands. They wrote cheques. They cried with us. They got angry with us. They came up with ideas and game plans to make it all bearable.
2) We made new friends. We needed all the resources we could find. We called people that we “hoped” could help us with the industry knowledge they carried. What we got was a new group of people who helped us redefine the word friendship. These people became our personal army. A tribe of people who made calls to their people to help us come up with ideas to make things move more quickly and easier. In addition, it strengthened our friendships with those who truly emotionally supported us.
3) I learned my own ability to manifest. We were listing a house that was built in 1990. Not extremely old by any means, but old enough for the price point it was listed at that even realtors were questioning the speed in which that house would sell, due to the current financial situation in the Regina housing market. Yet our house sold in THREE MONTHS! Not as quickly as I would like, but it moved and with little issue. We also sold our lake property in ONE MONTH. Contrary to the other properties out there which has sat for over a year (or even up to five years for some)
4) I learned my ability to get clear on what we want. We had trouble finding a new house, we had specific requirements we wanted and it was no easy feat to find it. We had a specific location, house size and land size that we all wanted in order to move into the next phase of our life. When the time came, we got all that we wanted (plus a bit more, because, what can I say, I’m just that fucking good at following directions I learned from attending manifesting coaching calls lol)
5) We learned that some people were never meant to be our friends. That some people were chose as friends, merely because we shared the same interests as them. Instead of considering who they truly were. How they would react when someone was in trouble. True friends are those who HELP you when you’re in trouble. Friends are not those who take an opportunity to take you down at the knees when things are tough.
6) Financial Freedom. For the first time EVER since the day we met, we are financially free. We do not carry an outstanding balance on anything. We have the ability to move or do whatever we choose.
7) Plan for the future. We have never had the freedom to truly plan for our future. What we want for ourselves and our kids and our lives. We have always been in a fight or flight financial situation. We are now making decisions based on long term financial freedom.
I can say many vulgar things about our situation and the men that contributed to it, but the truth is, it has been a gift. It has offered us the opportunity to completely start over, freely and without a knee jerk, “keep the vultures at bay” mentality.
We decided to move to an acreage. We had thrown around the idea eight years ago before we bought the house in the city. Back then, we had decided we wanted the kids to attend a city school, but now, with three kids who are homeschooled we felt more free to move anywhere we wish.
The kids love the acreage. We have been here since October and my kids have collectively logged more hours outside than they ever had in the city. My oldest has the ability to snowmobile right outside our door. We are getting chickens and going to plant a garden. The idea of all of this makes my heart so happy sometimes I think it might explode. We are truly in the most peaceful and happy space we have ever been. And all thanks to the grossest, most difficult moment we have ever had to move through.
Don and I, well we have grown as a couple. Last year if you would have asked me I would have said “I can’t imagine it getting better” yet after this has all rolled out, we are stronger than ever. I love that man, for all he did for us. For the amount of stress he was under, he handled it. It was his good looks that kept our finances together. And I thank god for him. Together, we weathered the storm and now we share. We co-create. In truth, I thought we did that before, but NOW I realize, we are co-creating.
So there you have it. I’m now back in the blogging saddle. I have missed this space. I will not hide anymore. People will say what people will say. AND SO WILL I!
After hitting submit on that post, I headed out of town to work on a project with a friend.
That Monday came and everything dumped on its side. Perhaps it was because I was tired. Perhaps it was because of the project I worked on…Regardless of the reason, something happened on Monday.
And although it’s difficult to put into words, I also know that so often during my most difficult moments, I am reminded that somewhere out there someone else is feeling the same way.
So for those people, I create this post for today.
The Monday started as many of my Mondays over the past three months have started, exhausted. From the moment, my head lifted from my blessed pillow my brain argued with my body. My body was confident we had enough sleep to function, but my mind severely disagreed and longingly wished to climb back under the blankets in which we had just emerged.
I came down the stairs, entered the kitchen and placed my favorite purple coffee mug onto the launch pad of the Keurig. As the coffee lovingly gurgled my sign for a day of new beginnings, I stretched and yawned and looked around my house.
Perhaps I had been under my blanket for far too long and so I was still adjusting to the sunlight that my eyes had grown unaccustomed to. Whatever the reason, that morning as I looked around my house, the piles of toys, the clutter, the papers, the STUFF — it all seemed like ALOT.
As I removed my coffee from the machine and brought the first, delightful sip to my mouth, I honest to God thought, “Did nobody take care of anything around here while I was gone?”
As soon as the thought erupted in my mind, I remember thinking “Lana, that is absurd, you weren’t actually gone, you know that right.”
Yet, I really DID feel like I was gone for the past three months. I felt like I was on vacation or an extended leave and finally came back to my life. Except upon my return, I was trying to squeeze and maneuver myself back in which seemed to require a lot of exertion.
And still everything became more and more strange as the day (and week) went on.
Suddenly my furniture felt uncomfortable. And dark and heavy and boring.
My favorite pants were no longer my favorite. In fact, my entire closet felt like someone else had purchased the clothing and placed them in my closet WITHOUT EVER considering what I would like.
My soothing music in my truck was now loud and harsh. Radio stations were flipped through at lightening speed with little recognition or enjoyment of any tune being played.
The dings on our walls created by our children being children, that were once charming and a right of passage, now seemed like deep canyons which gaped with rude obviousness.
Comedians weren’t funny. Period! I always try to shift my vibration by watching comedians. This week, not even these could shift me.
My kids seemed incredibly LOUD and whiny and needy. As well as completely incapable of understanding the words coming out of my mouth. Which in truth, was half my fault, because I couldn’t seem to decipher what they were asking either.
My bed was hard and smelly adorned with pilled and scratchy sheets.
The ideas and things I felt were fun last week were no longer interesting to me at all.
Friendships were dissected and noticed for their truths.
So many things happened that week, all of which felt so foreign to me. So far away from me. So completely disconnected to me.
All the things (aside from my family) were no longer of interest to me. It’s like I didn’t recognize anything in my life.
I know for much of the week, I wasn’t in my body. I know I do that when shit gets hard. I compartmentalize. I drift away. So as a result, I felt very airy and even more lost.
In honesty, I actually remember looking at myself in the mirror thinking, “What the fuck happened to me?” I felt as though I was plopped into a body that was much too large, and much too old and much to uncared for. As a result, I then thought “Crap, this is gonna be a lot of work to get this body back in proper working order.” (Which I know sounds laughable, but yet it illustrates the level of disconnection that I was going through)
The headaches were enormous and laced with nausea.
By now, I’m sure you get the picture, and now you’re wondering why this was happening to me:
I can’t exactly explain for good reason why this happened. Usually when I share my posts I have a problem followed by a solution. This time I don’t have such a neat little package to present you.
I do understand that lately I have been working on me, in new ways.
I also know we have many planets in Retrograde right now, however I really don’t feel they are to blame. In fact, I feel the opposite and instead believe these retrogrades are helping our planet and us sort through everything more effectively.
I also know that the movement into the 5th Dimension Energy (as soon as I figure out a proper way to write about 5th Dimension, I will create a post to share with you)is affecting me; clearly more than I ever realized.
The only way I can begin to properly explain how I felt that week is like this: Our brains carry files. When we are sad, our brain pulls a file to figure out how to make us happy again. My brain was pulling files, but my body was like the bitchy lady from The Devil Wears Prada shaking her head irritated and stating “No, try again”
So my brain kept pulling file after file after file. But she still wasn’t happy.
Friday was horrible for me. I felt so incredibly sad and lost and I didn’t have any clue how to fix it. So that night I cried, ALOT.
Saturday I left my house with a complete loss of self. I was out to run errands, but I had high hopes on finding myself in the process. Or finding something that made me happy, in the very least.
As I drove (with my stereo off because – ugh – that dreadful music) I was close to freakin’ out. My brain was blowing files and trying to right us, but it was also starting to get scared because it couldn’t figure out what was going on.
And then suddenly my brain pulled a file dated November 2014.
I sat in a room in Sedona, Arizona. Knowing I was on the cusp of transition. Knowing that everything was going to change. Knowing I was going to be ok, even though the change was uncomfortable as hell.
November 2014 I had gone to Sedona to attend a conference that was being held by my coach. I knew this was my last hoorah with her. I knew I was essentially saying Good Bye to her and moving into a new direction with a new coach.
Before the conference even started, I sat in the Arizona sun breathing deep as my brain pulled file after file trying to figure it all out.
I was scared and felt disconnected from everything.
Back in current day, as Regina blows by my trucks windows, I take a deep breathe and realize…
The last time I felt like this, the change that came was one of the greatest change I will ever know. It was a change that catapulted me into who I am today. It created the latest version of me — Lana 2.0, if you will.
So by Saturday I decided, I will be ok. I don’t know what the newest version of me will look like. But I know it will be worth it. As I ran my errands, I took a mental inventory of everything that felt foreign and decided to honor the foreign-ness of it all. If my music was loud and harsh, then I would buy all new discs for my truck. If my clothes felt uncomfortable, I would buy new comfy clothes.
Because I understand, I am shifting and changing and sometimes that means that my world has to shift and change to keep up. What was once safe and calming for me, is no longer so. That doesn’t mean that I am neither safe nor calm, it means my body needs something different to create the safe and calm environment. So that’s what it shall be.
With plenty of elbow room (because who buys CD’s nowadays) in Walmart Electronics Department I sifted through compact discs, the fog in my brain began to lift.
And I felt happier somehow.
When I placed the new discs on the checkout counter, my brain stopped looking for files. Because clearly we were never meant to find those files anyway. So we (my brain and I) are now creating new files. As we wish. As we can. And it feels damn good.
For anyone who is feeling disconnected from your life, know that I’m sending you love. It’s feels scary, especially when you don’t recognize things that you KNOW once made you happy. It’s ok! You are safe. And you are capable of creating a new path. And new files. You can do anything you want to do. Anyway you want to. Take your time. Don’t rush your body. Just listen. You will get there. Hugs and love to you, my brave friends!
According to Google, the average person will own 12 vehicles in their lifetime; with an average price tag of $33,560 EACH! Cities are filled and overflowing with car lots showcasing new and shiny vehicles ranging in econo to luxury.
Their flashy chrome packages or sleek tire rims wrapped in the aroma of the coveted “new car smell” makes even the most stealthy, household budgeter lustily swoon.
We have been trained, as a society, that the number of kilometers on a vehicle indicates how GOOD the vehicle is. Any vehicle over 200,000kms becomes an object in which individuals squint and drive; surely convinced their vehicle is nearly worthless and ready to break down.
Recently, at a tradeshow, as I discussed my hourly rate with someone, she scoffed at me, rolled her eyes, and asked me, “How do I justify that kind of expense in my life.”
I get it. I understand that the mere idea of spending $180 on yourself for a ONE hour session can boggle your mind. I also, understand not every budget can accommodate this type of extravagance. However, I want to wager a guess, that many households can afford it, yet choose to put their money elsewhere.
In fact, I will confidently lay down a bet that the belief structure of it being an obscene expense is really just that – – a belief structure.
And far be it from me to judge.
Instead I would like to add a perspective to this that perhaps some of you have never considered:
<First, I would like to take this juncture in the post, to clarify this is not my personal plea for a larger client base. It is merely the showcasing of a trend. A trend that does not serve you. A trend that you have believed; perhaps without even realizing it. And I implore you to gift yourself the opportunity think differently.>
Six years ago, the idea of spending this kind of money on myself each week to get me out of my depression seemed staggering. I had very little issue, however, justifying the anti-depressant prescription bill each month. And the time off work because I was continuously sick, seemed a small cost to pay as well.
Yet the prospect of spending a large amount of money for ONE hour, well … my brain just simply could not justify it.
The only reason my husband and I agreed to a life coach was because every other avenue had created very little results. We were at a “nothing-to-lose” crossroads, so we apprehensively spent the money.
Over the past six years, if I had to guess, I would say that I have spent (easily) near $30,000 on the betterment of my health. This money was used for private hourly sessions, conferences, workshops and whatever else I needed to learn how create my life. At one time, I recall, spending upwards of $750 in just ONE MONTH (for several months), on private life coaching sessions in order to keep on track.
<I literally heard a whistle escape your lips. Just bear with me.>
How could I justify that expense? How did our family live?
We lived with this thought process …
When I was 21 years old I walked into the local Chevrolet dealership and drove a brand new Blazer off the lot. It had 15kms on it. It was sweet. It was my baby and I was so proud. Yet, that thing nearly broke me financially. It was horrible on fuel as it only got about 20miles per gallon. Add to that the insurance per month and the monthly payment. I was easily spending $600 per month. (The bill would be higher, should I decide to take the “gas guzzler” on a road trip – yeesh)
At the end of three years, I sold the Blazer because it was too hard on fuel, and bought a Chevrolet Malibu. Although it wasn’t brand new as the Blazer was, it was still only two years old.
What’s my point? I never batted an eye over buying the Blazer. Never. I wanted it. I had convinced myself that I would do anything to afford it. And I did.
So why don’t we give the same courtesy to our body. To our minds? To our spirits? Why can we justify a vehicle purchase — but not a coaching session? (or any monies spent towards the betterment of your mind, body and spirit – such as hot yoga, organic food, alternative healing modalities, etc)
What if we consider our bodies our vehicles. Except with this vehicle, YOU ONLY GET ONE. There is no trade ins when the kilometers get too high. There is no lease buy backs or absolutely no refunds.
This body IS IT. You only get one.
We would NEVER expect our Blazer to run without an oil change or seasonal maintenance.
Yet, we expect our bodies to.
We never expect our Blazer to come sit on our driveways for free.
Yet we expect our bodies to.
Consider your body your vehicle. What price would you place on your life?
People say, how will my family live without that money I’m spending on me? Well guess what, if I hadn’t spent that money on me, my family would be without me. I wrote about this in a post entitled “To the Edge and Back” – so I won’t rehash again for you now lol
I will just say this: I’m confident my husband and I would spend the money again, if it meant I could be the person I am today. If it meant I could smile and be present in their lives like I am now.
$30,000 is a heck of a deal for the vehicle that is my body! What price would your put on your life?
After 12 hours of labour that finally concluded in an emergency C-section, the doctor laid my baby boy into my arms and my entire world smashed down with alarming force. As I looked down at his flawless skin, my eyes welled up and nothing would ever be the same.
For the five days following my sons birth, I cried. I cried because I was tired. I cried because I had just completed the most difficult task of my life, which was giving birth.
And I cried because I realized how fucked up my childhood really was.
As I held my baby, my childhood played out like a movie. The flashbacks of an angry mother washed over me like waves.
My childhood scenes of being thrown down hallways, and being hit and kicked by my mother, jarred my brain.
Memories of being smacked until I see stars swamped my mind.
The abuses I endured during my childhood, that had laid dorment and I had managed to push down for so long, now bubbled to the surface at paralyzing speed.
I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t see straight. Over the next five days as a new mother, I swaddled my baby, kissed his cheeks and whispered a promise into his ear, “I will never hurt you.”
The six months that followed my baby’s birth was a living hell.
I knew I wasn’t ok. My childhood hung on me like an old, tattered robe. I knew it was there, but without the knowledge on how to deal with this pain, I just forged forward. Trying to forget it existed. Willing it to change.
But slowly, my life started to fray.
Soon, I became riddled with Post Partum Depression so deeply, that I was barely recognizable. The fears I carried of, even accidentally, hurting my precious child created a space for me to close off. I raised him up with kit gloves, so incredibly cautious never to hurt him. I was terrified that I would abuse him so I pushed him away. And my husband away. All in an effort to push this fear away.
(Don’t get me wrong, I fed him, I nursed him, I rocked him. I did everything I needed to do. But I did it all behind a veil of self preservation. All behind a cloud of fear that abuse would sneak out of me. So I remained diligent to never get angry or frustrated or tiresome with him)
I had nightmares of someone hurting my baby. Every whimper or cry, I was on high alert. I started to hallucinate.
I was terrified and felt dreadfully alone. And embarrassed and ashamed. Why couldn’t I do this? What the hell was wrong with me?
Yet, I kept my promise to my baby… “I will never hurt you”
I went to my doctor, who prescribed me with anti-depressants and I created appointments with a psychiatrist.
I attended sessions faithfully, showing up completely, willing to try anything to keep my promise to my baby boy. After a year of sessions and meds, I stopped going. The sessions started to make me angry and I didn’t feel any better at the end of each one.
Sure, the doctor was very nice, yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wrap my head around the concepts of anger management or forgiveness. For whatever reason, the concepts did not reasonate with my soul.
I know it sounds strange, but I just didn’t “get” it. No matter how many homework assignments I worked through, I still couldn’t find my way.
That being said, I knew I was better than the year before. So I quit the sessions. Moved forward with my life. I felt that although I hadn’t shed the tattered robe of my childhood completely, I understand the presence of it and had made peace with its presence in the very least.
Medication can be tricky. Slowly as the years ticked on, my immunity for the drug grew and as a result, so did my dose requirements. After years of doctors appointments and med changes, I was finally settled in on 300mg of Effexor a day.
And then due to severe night terrors, I was also swallowing 150mg of Trazadone a night to sleep. I used to joke with the pharmacist that it was my personal tranquilizer. Within 5 minutes of taking it, I was asleep. Knocked out cold. But it was a small price to may to keep the night terrors at bay.
By now, our family had welcomed a second baby into our lives. Another brown eyed baby boy who was so gorgeous and bright and he just never stopped smiling.
By the grace of god, I had managed to keep my promise to my oldest son “I will never hurt you” AND, now I had another son to keep the promise for too.
Slowly, the meds stopped working. I say they stopped working, but the truth is I just started feeling again. All the childhood stuff started bubbling again, and because I didn’t know how to process that it created severe anxiety. I was nearly always panicked and shaky and just plain off balance.
Finally, one day, as I sat in my garage smoking a cigarette, I thought to myself, “I wonder if those rafters would hold my body weight. I wonder if I could call it. It’s been a hell of a run. I could call it.”
Yet, as I tossed the idea around in my head, my promise to my sons reared up as a reminder. I couldn’t do that to my babies. I couldn’t make that their story of their mom. I had to stay. I had to keep fighting. I had to find my way out of this.
So I went back to my doctor. As he reviewed my chart, I sat with my hands clasped, waiting patiently for the little white paper slip with illegible scribbles on it. My paper of safety. That little prescription note with a higher volume of meds was going to be my ticket to freedom.
Yet, I was wrong. That day as the doctor closed my file, my entire life would change again. And it would never be the same.
As long as I live I will never forget the heated rush of nausea that surged through my body as my doctor said these words to me, “Lana, I cannot give you more meds. You are on the highest dose of Effexor we can give you right now. Unless you agree to a psychiatric evaluation.”
My breathe was cut again, big fat tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to grasp what he had said to me.
“I honor your decision here, Lana. But I have procedures I need to follow. So in order to increase your medication an evaluation needs to be performed,” he said, yet it was delivered with an intense kindness which only made my tears gush faster.
A timeline was created that day, as it was a Friday, that I would call on Monday with a decision on how I wanted to move forward. As I made my way out of the office and into my truck that afternoon, a million emotions clouded my mind.
I was angry at mother for doing this to me.
I was angry at myself for not trying harder to be ok.
I was angry at the medical system for their stupid fucking rules.
But more importantly, I was sad for all of us. My mom, myself, my kids and my husband.
That weekend by the grace of God himself, I was slated to go to a tradeshow for a home based business I was a part of. This tradeshow was a Body Soul And Spirit Expo.
I had worked for months for preparation for this show. Although the show concept seemed quirky, I stealthily maneuvered my business offerings to surround the shows concepts of self love and acceptance.
This show would ultimately change my life.
The public attendance for the show was lower than what one would deem as a successful trip. Because low attendance generally means lower sales, under any other circumstance, I would be upset with a show of this size.
However, due to the decision I needed to make on Monday, I didn’t have a lot in my tank and was incredibly distracted. So the slowness of the show was actually a gift to me.
It offered me the time to go and explore the other vendors. It was during this time that I would meet my first Intuitive Coach.
After about 15 minutes of chatting with her, I had spilled my story about my night terrors. Because I never shared any of my struggles with anyone, I immediately regretting it and I outwardly cringed as I braced for judgement.
Yet no judgement came, only a story about past lives and reincarnation. Which admittedly confused me, however deep inside my soul, I recognized what she was saying. I could feel it – I could “get it”
She said as an Intuitive Coach she could help me. She could allow me to work through all the things that were clouding me. Hesitant I told her, “I would think about it.”
Upon my return from the show, my husband and I decided to forgo the Evaluation and instead roll the dice on this Intuitive Coach. While her methods seemed unorthodox and her rates seemed staggering to me at the time, my husband and I both agreed, I wasn’t getting better with current methods so we had nothing to lose here.
The Road Back
For the next year, I would work with my coach every single month. I wouldn’t miss a session. She taught me about energy and the laws of attraction and past lives and cellular trauma and manifestation and many other things.
My first session will always be something I hold very near to my heart. She completed a round of counselling with me. A session that during the entire time, I was literally thinking, “What the hell am I doing – this is crazy”
But then something incredible happened.
Following the session that afternoon, I picked up my boys from school and day care and they asked to go to the park. Regularly I would say no to such a request, because I was so exhausted from trying to get through the day. But this day, I agreed.
As my oldest son ran ahead down the walking path, I pushed my youngest in his stroller. And I began to look around and that’s when I noticed — everything!
For the first time in my life, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could hear the birds in the trees and the sound of the water rushing through the stream. The wind in the trees was incredibly beautiful. It was as though I was seeing this all for the first time.
In that very moment, I recall thinking to myself, “Wow! Does everyone see this? Does everyone experience this? No wonder why people want to live. This is incredible!”
From that day forward, it was easy for me to continue to work with the methods and concepts she shared. Not only did I feel better, but they MADE SENSE to me.
Life as an Intuitive Coach
As my time with my coach increased, so did my own personal Intuitive Abilities. In fact, they became so prevalent in my life, that in October 2012 I opened my very own Intuitive Business.
I have been med free for nearly three years. Not without a lot of work and determination. The withdrawl of the drug alone was a difficult battle, but as a result I celebrate everyday for the Divine Intervention I received in 2010.
I opened my business for so many reasons, but the main reason is best summed up by my saying this to you:
I get it. I understand the hurt. I feel your pain. I know you hurt so damn bad. And you don’t want to hurt anymore. Yet, you have no idea what to do or where to turn or how to fix it.
I know you are tired and exhausted and can’t understand why everyone can’t just leave you sleep. It’s not sleep you need, my sweetheart, its freedom.
Freedom of your traumas and pain. Freedom from your hurt. Freedom from the programs that are running in your brain. Freedom to be you and love you and appreciate you for YOU!
That’s why I do my job. For anyone who is hurting. I know how it feels. I’ve been to the edge and back again. I promise you, life is meant to be beautiful and incredible and you are meant to have everything you want.
So I ask you to consider working with me — an Intuitive Life Coach. You can book a session with me OR You can find someone else who resonates with you. Just honor you. However that looks.
You are so beautiful and bright and I promise you , your life is as well. Please allow yourself the gift of reaching out and trying something different. Because sometimes even if it’s different, we have nothing to lose.
It’s been three months since I hit publish on my last blog post. A short enough time span that you all remember me (I hope), but long enough that I owe you an explanation.
I don’t owe explanations, per say! I mean, I guess we all go through some shit and schedules shift and what have you. But I also have remained transparent throughout my blogging time. So this time will not become the exception.
In order to give you my explanation, I need to share with you a little story.
It’s late fall of 2016. As snowflakes began twirling and falling silently, the first signs of a Canadian winter are becoming present. And our house took an, albeit united, still very annoyed breathe.
My kids and I are fair weather people. We don’t mind winter, as long as the sun is shining and it’s not cold. Which, as many of you know, these such requirements do not bode well for a Canadian winter family.
(My husband, however, loves winter, as it allows for him to ride his beloved snowmobile. Actually ride it, instead of just walking around it, looking at it and buffing his precious baby, with a diaper)
As myself and my three kids gather around the picture window of our living room and watch the snow accumulate, C actually says “Awe crap! I hate winter!” I chuckle, because who am I kidding – we were all thinking it!
And in that moment, I make my kids a promise, which I thought would make a great “pie- in-the-sky” dream for someday.
I say, “Guys, if I make $__,___ dollars per month on my blog, I will buy us a winter house in Phoenix.”
B, forever the accountant says, “What about Dad’s job?”
I assure him, “Dad, could take the winters off and that number I stated would cover everything!”
A cheer erupts in our house and a dream is born.
Now time for the transparency:
For many months prior to this, individuals/companies have been contacting me and stating “When you are ready, I would be interested in advertising on your blog.” and I have placed this information into my back pocket.
So, a few days after I created the Phoenix winter dream with my kids, I sit down and set to work. Forehead in my hands, which is always how I do my best thinking, I set to create and scheme and plan. I decide all the avenues and opportunities I could propose to companies and individuals in order to monetize my blog.
I work feverishly, only stopping for smoke breaks, filled with daydreams showing more revenue avenues for the blog.
Four hours later a plan is complete and ready for action. All possible scenarios have been devised and a general revenue plan has been reached. So it becomes time for the add up. I sit with calculator in hand and add up all the avenues and revenues I have created.
And then something happened.
As I pressed the equals sign, and my projected monthly grand total flashed across the tiny screen, my body jolted!
I had it.
The number I stated to my kids days earlier, I had it. In fact, I had it ALL – PLUS an ADDITIONAL $80!
It took me a minute to realize what that meant, that we could have it. Plus we could have MORE than that. This monetization plan I created wasn’t spectacular. In truth, it was incredibly basic. Nothing mind blowing or difficult to obtain, if I can be brutally honest.
I’m not saying it wasn’t spectacular so you can tell me it was, instead I’m saying it wasn’t spectacular because, to me, it was just basic common sense ad placement and revenue opportunities.
Nothing a standard business person wouldn’t figure out too.
In fact, the monetization plan made so much damn sense, that I knew it would actually work!
So, I reacted the way I always do. I gathered the white scribbled up pieces of paper into a pile.
All the projections, budgets and opportunities were now neatly stacked.
And, being the mature adult that I am, I walked into my sitting room, pulled my blanket over my head and hit the brakes – HARD! I hit the brakes on the blog, I hit the brakes on my dream, on my kids dream of a winter free winter, but most importantly I hit the brakes on me succeeding at something I love and created.
The blanket was so luxuriously safe. So I snuggled under. I pulled the blanket tight around my head and my body to make sure no monsters could get at my feet. And I laid there, telling myself crazy, made up stories about what I actually deserve.
I would tell myself things like:
“Who are you to have that kind of money per month?”
“You will never commit to that. Its impossible and as a result, you will surely disappoint someone!”
And my personal favorite (saracasm noted here)
“That seemed way too easy. You clearly have missed something. If it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. You had to have missed something important”
While the world continued forward, and the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months, I stayed under my blanket. I stayed there so long that my blanket breathe was no longer comfortable. In fact, it was creating an uncomfortable sweat reaction in my body, much like when I was a child in a blanket fort.
Yet I stayed.
I stayed because now my discomfort was my personal punishment for not following my dream. My punishment for hitting the brakes.
I know the laws of attraction. I do. I can recite to you every single energetic requirement to attract money and wealth into your life. And I can manifest a plan or sit in the space of creating a dream with very little effort.
I even can tell you that it’s your birth right to have anything you dream. In fact, I know enough to tell you if you can dream it, it’s already yours, the universe will move everything for you to have it. You just need to decide that you want it and it’s done.
I know, impressive, right!
My hang up is always the self worth. The feeling of deserving to have anything you dream.
Don’t get me wrong, I have worked hard over the past six years to grow. Therefore, I could proudly say, I have a higher self worth than I have ever had!
Even so, sometimes when I’m not looking the lack of self worth sneaks in. It grabs me around the neck, pulls me from under my blanket fort and forces me into submission.
Meanwhile I’m left trying to remember all the training I took in preparation for this moment. Much like a shocked mall cop, when he deals with his first aggressive shoplifter, and therefore gets to use his handcuffs for the first time.
Because, still, sometimes even with all the knowledge I have, self worth, takes me down. Drops me to my knees. Cuts my breathe and stands over me, staring at me. Snarling at me. Hating me. And making me hate myself.
In the beginning of one of these episodes, I play nice with my self worth abductor, by telling myself it hurts less if I just go along with it. I also say things like, it’s probably for the best this way because that dream would never work.
Slowly though, as the hours tick by, I grow to hate my ugly, angry captor. So I pray to whomever is listening. The Universe. Creator. God. The title is irrelevant, yet the job is the same for all of them. “Help me get the fuck out of here!”
Suddenly I hear a ring tone. It’s a ring tone, that fittingly is entitled, circles. A ring tone that signifies help. It signifies strength and assurance. Acceptance and love.
I fumble around the darkest, recessed corners of my prison cell, proding and searching for the cell phone that has miraculously found its way to my silent hell.
I furiously pound my fingers on the screen, until the message comes to life. It’s my coach, Jodie, with these words:
“Everyone gets scared. Everyone hits the brakes sometimes. It’s those who decide to come back to the table that are the truest winners!”
I stuff the cell phone in my pocket, lean against the cold wall of my cell, and devise a plan. A plan of escape. For weeks, I watch the landscape and the patterns, and like a hunter preparing for a kill, I sit silently and patiently, until my opportunity for freedom presents itself.
I eat intuitively, take care of my body, get rest, move and shake and raise my vibration to a place that I know is my normal. And each night as that bastard self worth checks in on me, I nod and smile. A fake smile, but it doesn’t seem to notice.
And the day arrives. It’s time. That morning, as self worth does it rounds and ensures I am still under the spell. To ensure I’m still it’s prisoner, I lurch forward. I push hard against the door, as self worth tries to slam it in my face.
I am stronger because of all the things I have done to take care of me and I am able to push Self Worth to the ground. There is a million things I want to say to it, like to never, ever find me again, but I know my window of escape is limited, so instead I leap over it, run up the rickety stairs and to the front door.
I fling it wide open and run down the sidewalk. The sunlight hurts my eyes, but still I run as hard and as fast as my legs will carry me. My breathe is pulling in deep chugs from my lungs. The air rushes my face and tears escape my eyes, I’m terrified, but, damn it, I’m free.
The escape has happened so fast, that I can’t help, but check over my shoulder periodically. But it appears my captor is either not as crafty as I gave it credit, or it doesn’t care that I’m gone!
With shaky knees, like that of a baby fawn, I return back. Back to my self, back to my kids, back to my house, back to my blog and back to my dream.
With sweaty hands and a rapid heart, I compose a blog post apology. Because isn’t that what victims do, always apologize first.
As I hit post, I say a silent prayer that my followers will understand.
I also send love to anyone who has been taken down and locked away from the captor that is self worth.
I’m back at the table! And it’s a huge honor to be back here. I may not feel like a winner, but I’m gonna try my hardest to be one!
Now, if you will excuse me, I am off to retrieve the white, scribbled papers from the pile in which they were stacked months earlier. I think they deserve a review.
The holidays are a time to spend with those you love. With Christmas fast approaching the holidays can be bittersweet for me.
I am incredibly blessed. I have two parents that consists of a father and a step mom. And a set of in laws. A beautiful sister. Plus sister in laws and brother in laws and step sisters and step brothers. Plus a husband and my own kids. And tons of aunts, uncles and cousins. It’s a full family. But a gorgeous one.
Well, I’m not gonna lie, with this size comes some level of crazy. I joke many times and say “We put the Fun in dysfunctional!” But I know I’m blessed to have so many souls who surround me. Especially during the holidays.
Five years ago I lost my mom. My real mom. The mom who gave birth to me.
But I didn’t lose her in death. I lost her emotionally.
Five years ago I had to let my mom go. I had to release her from my life. I had to halt a relationship with her.
The truth is this relationship was never healthy. My mom was an abusive parent. Throughout my childhood she physically assaulted us and emotionally manipulated us and everyone around her.
I know she is unhealthy and needs help. And for many years of my adult life, regardless of my personal health, I set out to save her. To get her to a state of ok. To help her heal.
But as the saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water…”
After many years of personal investment into her well being I had to make a decision.
This decision came down to two parts:
1) Either accept her life that she was creating and stand beside her as she self destructed and blamed everyone except herself.
2) Release her from my world.
I chose to release her.
In truth, the level of her emotional unsettle was affecting me more than anyone knows. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I sent money. I bought food. I created doctors and council appointments. I delivered her to said appointments.
Hell, I even let her move in with us after she struggled to get on her feet after a suicide attempt.
But despite all my doing, I was losing. Losing myself. Losing my marriage and losing my kids.
I was so damn set on giving her everything that she wanted that I was losing everything I wanted.
Meanwhile, she was fighting it every step of the way. Wanting more money. More time. More resources. Without ever taking personal accountability for self betterment.
One day, after several weeks of dating someone, she suddenly advised me that I didn’t need to bother helping her anymore because she had him now.
That was the day I got crystal clear on how this worked for her and that NONE of that worked for me. And never would.
I tried boundaries for awhile, but could never maintain them when it came to her. I wanted to. But somehow, whenever, she came around I was the 6 year old child wanting for her mama.
So I decide to release her. I have spent years and years working through the trauma and the pain she has caused, both from a child and then as an adult. And for the most part, I have healed.
Although sometimes the reality of my decision resurfaces.
During Christmas I know there is someone missing from my table. There is one person who regardless how she treated me, shares my DNA and is missing.
I would never change my decision. Not only did I make the decision to protect myself. I also made it to protect my marriage and my children.
No one will ever hurt neither of those things — regardless of their connection to my DNA!
And so each holiday season, I silently grieve. For the parent I have lost. For the parent I have had to release. For the parent who was never a parent at all. For the person who she will never be.
Today, I share love with all my friends who have had to make a similar decision of self preservation. I applaud you and hold you high as you stand in your decision.
I sit with you in your silent grief.
During the holiday season, there are many posts for those who have lost family members in death, but today I recognize all of you who have lost someone emotionally.
The grief is similar, but it also comes laced with a form of guilt that can be a burden.
Just please know, today and through out the holidays, you are not alone. And you are not being judged. Regardless of how or why you have made the decision you have made, know that I appreciate your struggle and am so damn proud of you.
No one can understand the choice we have made, until they need to make it. And my goal is never to validate my decisions to anyone, but instead to help others not feel alone.
So, to YOU, who have lost your parent emotionally, know you are not alone. Together, let’s share our grief.
I could go on for days about all the women who inspire me each day. But my thesaurus is surely feeling the strain. (One can only put “amazing” into the thesaurus search engine so many times before it sighs and shuts down on you)
As a result, my number #1 Favorite Inspirational Woman of 2016 is YOU!!
Don’t look around the room … I am indeed talking to you!
Each week I come back to sit at my computer to create for YOU! I sit here somedays with a flashing cursor asking for guidance on how I can help each and everyone of you.
I always show up because YOU always show up. I always write because YOU always read it.
I’ve said before, I started the blog to write whether anyone read it or not. I began writing to find my voice, to find my writing style and to practice my skill.
But it’s turned into so much more because of all of you. I fell into blogging. That’s not a lie.
However, I continue write because you all inspire me to do so.
So … to each woman (or man *cough cough* Larry Wilda) who is here, hanging out, reading these words and smiling with me, laughing with me or even crying with me. Thank you.
Thank you for showing up. Thank you for your encouragement and kindness and love.
The collection of you gather here for different reasons. Some for love, some for inspiration, some for a giggle, some for happiness and some just to see what the hell I’ve got cookin’ now. (And who can blame them. I change directions more frequently than my underwear. #reallynotreally)
Whatever your reason for coming back each day, I thank you for making my 2016 extraordinary. Thank you for sharing my journey.
Thank you for sharing my words with your friends and family. Thank you for inspiring me to show up and be heard.
Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.
Thank you for sharing your precious time with me.
Our lives are busy, I know that, and somedays there is just not enough hours in the day. So when someone tells me they have “saved” my post to read while in the bathtub or on the treadmill, I am honoured.
Ya’ll have found a place for me in your busy lives. You’ve accepted my voice and my writing into your homes and your routines. And I am beyond grateful.
I’m looking forward to 2017. I have plans to make this blog bigger and better. I have plans to create more bracelets. I have plans to share more love. More inspiration. More knowledge.
It fires me up and I love what I do.
BUT you all make it worthwhile. You all make me love what I do EVEN more.
I thought I was wanted to write just for me, but when you all started rolling in and landing here, I have come to realize this is where I’m always wanted to be. Hanging out with you guys!
We (you AND me) have created a gorgeous community of love, self acceptance and encouragement. It’s pretty incredible. It is my truest privilege to write for you.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU!
I’m sending out my love to each and everyone who visits here. You are incredible, you are inspiration and I am truly blessed to be surrounded by each and everyone of you.
MY offer to you:
The Empowerment Bracelet named “I love myself” is launching officially in the New Year. Just in time for New Years Resolutions.
Bracelet Elements include:
1″ – 2D Antique Silver Charm which showcases the “I love myself” empowerment phrase and my personal initials (lme❤️) creates the “ruffle” as the border
Bracelet Beads of Frosty Purple Agate Effloresce
Beads are divided with silver flourish spacers to represent the Angel Number 3168 which is the Angel Number for self love. By drawing in the power of the angelic realm creates a higher energetic vibration to the bracelet and will assist you to stand in your power, be true to yourself, honor you, believe in your dreams and allow YOUR LIGHT TO BRIGHTLY SHINE.
Aside from those who jumped on the preorder, these bracelets will not be available for purchase to the public until January 1(ish) but you have a chance to WIN ONE!
So you will want to jump on the chance to get one FIRST.
To enter, please leave a comment on the bottom of THIS post. (Yes, comment right here on the blog)
This giveaway will not appear anywhere else.
Draw will be made Saturday, December 17 by 5 p.m. I will comment with the winner on this blog post so please check back and then message me with your mailing address.
Wooooohoooo!! I’m so excited to write this one. Our #2 Favorite Inspirational Women is my beautiful coach Jodie Rollins.
Let’s go on a little trip down memory lane, shall we?
It’s 2012…my friend Candace asks me if I want to go to the Body, Soul and Spirit Expo that is in Regina for the weekend. I review the show line-up to see who is going to be presenting and the face of the mighty Jodie Rollins jumps out to me as I scroll through.
I had heard about Jodie through the Psychic Medium industry mill. I had heard she was incredible; that she made it look easy, so I definitely had to check her out for myself.
I call Candace back and say “I’m in, but I HAVE to see this Jodie Rollins do her stage show!”
Candace and I are front and center when Jodie hits the stage two days later. I went to see her “work” but I ended up falling in love with her. Girl crush?? Perhaps!
Yep, she rocks the shit out of her ability as a Psychic Medium no one can argue with that, but she was so much more than that too!
She’s was adorably peppy, kind and compassionate, absolutely hilarious, and authentic as hell!
At one point during her show, I look to Candace and say, “I’m gonna be her BFF!”
Candace giggles as she asks, “Do you know her?”
“Nope.” I reply. “She doesn’t even see me coming.” And then Candace and I laugh and laugh and laugh.
Fast forward two years:
I know it’s time for me to move forward from my current coach. I had saturated all that she offered and I knew deep in my soul it was time for someone new.
I do my check in with my soul and hear “She’s not in Canada.” Aw sweet mercy, how in the heck am I supposed to find her. I tell my spiritual team to “Line her up. I’m ready!”
And then I waited.
And in truth, I got a bit impatient so I checked in again. And then I saw Jodie’s face, but I immediately dismissed it when my soul confirmed “You’re coach is not in Canada!” (Jodie worked in Saskatoon so I was certain it wasn’t her.)
And then when my patience were nearly maxed, I went for Reiki with Tina. Just before I get cozy on the bed and she is ready to dive into my energy, I say, “I’m looking for my coach. If she shows up while you’re working in there – let me know!”
Tina agrees and sets to work. Not even 10 minutes into my session she says “It’s Jodie Rollins. You’re coach is Jodie.”
I nearly bolt out of the bed, excited but thoroughly confused I say,”She can’t be…my coach doesn’t live in Canada.”
Tina smiles and then starts to giggle, “Mmmhmmm, well Jodie just moved to MEXICO!”
Ahhhhhhh! I was so damn excited. The woman whom I had admired for TWO years was my new coach. I could hardly contain myself.
And the rest, as they say is history:
Jodie is now living in Saskatoon once again and for the past two years I have coached with her.
She had helped me hone my skills as a Psychic Medium, but in addition she has been the driving force in my personal self love campaign.
In truth, there are not enough colourful adjectives to describe this woman. She is humble, she is hilarious, she is firm, yet caring and assuring.
In the beginning, I worked with her on a weekly basis because I struggled with hearing me and my soul. She was my portal.
She was the one who could tell me “No, Lana you don’t want that. You hate that, why are you doing that.”
She nailed it every week.
She didn’t ever let me cop out or hide, and she STILL makes me show up -every damn time. And I love her for that.
She has taught me how to love me, honor me, listen to me and stand up for ME!
Because of her, I have a sense of confidence that I have never had before.
My first coach pulled me from my depression and I will be forever grateful.
Then Jodie catapulted me into self-growth by helping me learn WHO I am and HOW I operate. Which eventually led to my ability to embrace or rebuild whatever I needed to.
Although I don’t need her weekly, like I once did, she is always there. Waiting in the background, always willing to straighten my wheels, dust me off and send me back out into the world.
Jodie feels like the Mama I never had. Someone who allows me to be me. Who ensures I LOVE me for me as well.
Ok fine, she’s the mama I pay to be my mama, but let’s not split hairs here.
She is powerfully, remarkable and has changed my life in many ways.
As a fellow coach, there are some phrases that she has taught me that I love sooo much and have adopted into my own practice.
Here are 5 Phrases that you will become familiar with if you work with Jodie.
Stand in your power
Stay in your lane
You are powerful enough to decide how this goes
Decide who is on your bus
Observe without plugging in
In truth, there are a million Jodie-isms, but these are, by far, her most popular.
Add to that her contagious ability to use the word brilliant in everyday sentences.
Now down to what everyone is wondering. Did I ever become her BFF?
Here’s the most incredible part about Jodie….I will never be her BFF! No one will ever be.
Because JODIE is Jodie’s BFF!
Brilliant! (Oh! See what I did there?)
She has her own back, she stands in her power and she doesn’t need validation from anyone. (Ok fine, she’s not super human. She loves love as we all do, but she doesn’t look to anyone to tell her she’s going to be ok or that she good enough)
Just another splendid example of Jodie.
Through her example; she has inspired me to be my own BFF. She inspired me to love myself so fiercely that anyone else’s love is just icing on an already great cake. (She will love the cake analogy)
So yep, upon meeting Jodie I have been gifted a BFF, but it wasn’t who I expected.
My BFF is me and I guess you could say “I didn’t even see her coming.”
Jodie’s offer to you:
In order to truly appreciate Jodie, you must see her in action. So I am over the moon excited about what she is offering all of you.
Jodie Rollins,is an internationally renowned, Canadian Psychic Medium and an expert in the Law of Attraction. Her unique, and honest approach to the world of spirit, and our responsibility to our own spirit is truly a powerful combination.
She is from Western Canada, and started with a local client base, and has grown internationally, with clients from all parts of the world.
She is offering you two options:
Option #1 – The opportunity for a FREE 15 minute phone or Skype coaching consult. Please book by January 15, 2017
Option #2 – 10% off a coaching package OR other service of your choice. This offer expires January 31, 2017
To take advantage of these offers, view her coaching packages or for more information on her other services visit her website.
To book your session or take advantage of her offer contact her here. Be sure to mention the code LANAROCKS in the subject line to get the special offer!
I’m excited to write this one….well ok I was excited to write them all. But this one is special because it’s been done a bit sneakily.
Our #3 Favorite Inspirational Woman is my talented friend Linell Grudnitzki.
I had plans to just repost Linell’s“The Camera Doesn’t Lie”post from a few weeks ago, because I found her inspirational in the way she ran her photography business.
And I still do.
But I changed my mind on just reposting her post for two reasons:
First, while on the phone with her last week I said, “I got your back, buddy!”
To which she replied good naturedly with a laugh, “Yah, I still haven’t figured out how I got that honor, but whatever … I’m gonna run with it.”
Next, she came forward with an offer to the readers that blew my mind. So I knew for sure a repost of a previous article was never going to work and was simply not enough to honor this girly.
In that moment, I decided a seperate blog post needed to be written. I wanted to celebrate her inspiration by sharing the person she is.
So here we go, Linell! Buckle up, sugar:
I met Linell a few years ago, and the first time I met her I wasn’t sure if I should be intimidated by her or love the hell of out of her.
As the years have melted away and I have had the priviledge to be a part of her life, I have come to discover her energy was never intimidation energy.
It was STRENGTH! 100% raw, “take-me-or-leave-me” strength.
This woman is one of the strongest woman I know. Her ability to get knocked down and get right back, time and time again, is awe inspiring to say the least.
She’s doesn’t have a choice, but to show up everyday. But it’s the way she shows up that is most inspirational of all.
She is a single mom to two boys. She works several jobs to makes ends meet, still attends all the boys extra-curricular activities, meanwhile she does it ALL with her gorgeous smile still on her face.
I’ve asked her before, “Linell, HOW do you do it all.”
And in true Linell style she shrugs and says, “Meh, I just do.”
Ugh, dear lord, she’s so damn astonishing.
She is fantastically talented as a photographer, but she also has a unique ability to morph into any job or requirement to provide for her family.
She puts 100% into everything she does. And still makes time for herself the best she can.
She wears more hats than I have ever even considered owning, yet she does it with such allure and class that you can’t help but high five her as she runs it to the finish line.
She’s an inspiration to anyone who knows her.
To be honest, on the days I’m maxed, when I’m exhausted and not sure I can move another inch, I remind myself of Linell. She doesn’t get breaks. She doesn’t have a spouse’s hand for a tap out when she needs a breather.
And on those days, I breathe. And I am grateful for her and reminded once again of her tenacity.
2016 created a monumental moment for Linell. A moment that “someone” has been telling her for years, is within her grasp.
Linell has just announced that she is going to dive into her business InPhoto FULL-TIME.
And I’m standing up and cheering over here. Her photography abilities align fully to make her business a glowing success. I’m so profoundly excited for her and what 2017 is cooking up for her.
Anyone who walks into her studio, with her behind the camera, will be so remarkably blessed.
Linell, you are a rock star!! I wish you the very best in 2017. I hope you grant yourself the opportunity to breathe. To look around and marvel at all you have created; for yourself and your boys.
One day, when they are a parent themselves, I am confident they will label YOU their hero. Soon enough, they will understand all the sacrifices you made in order to give them the best life you could.
They will become as awe-struck with you as we all are and they will tell their kids about all their “grandma” did and how strong she is.
But until that day comes, I’m here, to tell you: get aligned with the definition of hero, my sweetheart. Because you, sincerely, are one!
Not all heroes wear capes, some stand behind a camera (and then stand at a stove or the sidelines of hockey games or wherever else you find yourself)
Much love, my girl!! May 2017 be your best year yet. (Mwah)
Linell’s offer to you:
Linell owns InPhoto. A Regina based photography company who provides her services for family, baby and sports teams.