(With dance season coming to a close; many dance parents are stressed with lipstick colors, outfit steaming and hair extension placement, I thought I would reshare this post I created last year. I hope it makes you giggle)
I am a self proclaimed people watcher. Perhaps it’s because of my work as a Psychic and therefore, my ability to read nearly anyone, all the while appearing perfectly “normal.”
Or perhaps it’s because people are downright fascinating.
I’ve come to realize that every crowd can be divided into groups. Each crowd has the same “types” of people.
If you watch. If you sit quietly and just take it all in, you begin to see the same dynamic over and over.
Within crowds, we all find ourselves within the others present. Our tribe. The people who we resonate with. Those who we understand.
This weekend was E’s first dance class of the season. And our first dance class ever!
All us parents dutifully sat shoulder to shoulder politely waiting for our little darlings to complete their 45 minute initiation into the world of dance.
Once E is no longer visible on the big screen provided, I start to look around.
What a riveting group of people seated around me.
So just for a giggle, I divided them into types, in my mind.
And I thought I would share them with you:
1) The Purse Protector
This poor soul is convinced she has something magnificent in her purse that we all would want; her purse is the envy of us all and it’s only a matter of time before someone snatches it.
As a result, she clutches her purse tightly to her chest, for the entire 45 minutes of wait time.
She also either complete avoids eye contact. OR will glare at anyone who is a suspected Purse Snatcher.
Sometimes, if she senses she can trust the crowd, she will place her purse on the seat beside her. Thereby, taking away an available spot for another human!
2) The Posse
aka The Click
aka The Cool Kids
This is the “in crowd”. Usually consists of no less than five moms. All their daughters dance and their sons play soccer, TOGETHER. And on weekends, they drink wine and host dinner parties while their husbands drink in the garage, TOGETHER.
They can be found huddled in the corner together sharing coffee and laughing loudly; paying no attention to their dancing child on the TV screens provided.
When their child emerges from the class, one will state “That was fast” and all will agree!
3) The Socialite
She seemingly floats around the room to greet everyone she knows.
And she surely knows everyone.
She is mistaken for the studio owner or hostess (or whomever runs the event she’s currently at) but she is actually not affiliated in any way.
She will eventually make herself comfy seated in The Posse/Click.
4) The New Mom
She has guilted herself into registering her child for dance. She is clearly exhausted judging from her sweatpants, slept in pony tail and bags under her eyes.
She is convinced that if her child misses this, it will surely result in family therapy sessions for her in the teenage years. So she pushes herself to the very brink of her existence.
She will also have another child on her hip and stains on her shirt. (Child on her hip will be dressed in a sleeper and sporting major bed head)
This woman needs a friend. This woman needs coffee. Oh hell, this woman would weep for both. Smile at her.
5) The Pro at Being a Mom
She rolls in with a state of the art stroller housing two tiny babies, while hoisting an infant on her hip, a coffee, a dance bag and a toddler trailing behind her.
She is dressed in brand name clothes, tasteful makeup, perfectly placed hair and manicured nails.
The only reason you don’t throat punch her type of perfection is because she has spit up on the shoulder of her shirt and her toddler has decided to throw a full tantrum and you can tell she’s close to tears. Who wouldn’t be. This woman is a god damn super hero! The only reason she’s not wearing her cape is, clearly, because one of her kids barfed on it.
6) The Soft Talker Mom
This mom delivers all messages to her children laced with nouns like “Darling,” “Sweetie,” and I’m pretty sure I even heard “My little pigeon poop”. But all are carried out in just over a whisper. This Mom is also prone to frequent eyelash fluttering and nose dabs.
These types of moms make us question if our own children would respond better if we lowered our vocal octave.
Maybe they would pay attention.
Then we quickly decide, “Nah, they would never take us serious.”
7) The Deer In the Headlights Dad
Self explanatory: The Dad who has been elected, by his wife, to take his child to dance for, very obviously, the first time.
They can be found smushed up against the wall doing their best impression of a chameleon.
Often you will see DITH Dad “saved” by The Socialite. The Socialite will have never met the husband, but absolutely knows the mom (his wife) and the child.
The Socialite will place DITH Dad’s child in line and fix her shoes.
DITH Dad will look relieved.
BONUS: May sometimes appear as Wife is on Holidays Dad. The major tell tale characteristic of a WIOH Dad is the dancer will usually be dressed in an inside out bodysuit with tights OVER (not under) said body suit. In addition to the wardrobe malfunction, all other traits remain the same.
8) The Ultimate Snack Mom
This mom’s purse is the size of Costco and equally as stocked. She will continue to pull out Pintrest perfect snacks for her and brood for the entire 45 minute wait.
I forecast that Snack Mom will become part of the Posse before long.
9) The Former Dancer
She sits with poise and straight posture, her head held high and toes pointed.
She was on her way to the Olympics until she blew out her knee in practice and her dreams shattered.
She has a daughter now, who she hopes will carry on her dream.
She sits glued to the big screen as her “Mini Me” learns to tap while holding a scarf.
The Posse talks about her. But it’s only because she’s so damn elegant and well, they wish!
10) The Organized Mom
She comes armed with snacks, toys, iPads, crayons, colouring books, sand toys, blankets, games, playdoh, a puppy, a generator, a DustBuster and who the hell knows what else.
While her purse size rivals Ultimate Snack Mom, her snacks do not.
She is more than happy to encourage her children to “share” with EVERY other kid in the entire studio, much to her own kids dissatisfaction.
11) The Unorganized Mom
May be confused with The New Mom, but make no mistake these two are completely different.
She comes BOLTING through the doors ten minutes AFTER class has started only to ask her child, “Where are your dance shoes.”
She leaves her child inside while she runs back out to retrieve missing shoes from the back seat.
She returns, this time puffing, to drop her child into class.
She then hands the infant in her arms the car keys to chew on because she forgot the diaper bag, with his toys and bottle and diapers, at home.
She stares longingly at Organized Mom’s toy set up and spends the 45 minutes working up the courage to ask if her child can play too.
She also, silently prays that he doesn’t shit himself while they wait.
12) The Newbie
Her chaos started when she made this mistake of waiting until the week BEFORE dance class to get her child’s outfit. She had no idea how popular dance class is.
She shopped armed with the outfit list provided by the studio. And followed it to the letter. But the trauma from the last minute shopping trip still haunts her.
She follows all the rules of the studio ie: removing all shoes at the door and having her child’s hair in a ponytail or bun as was suggested in the pre-class email.
She is secretly annoyed with anyone who thinks they are above such rules and allows their child to wear different outfits than stated or *gasp* pigtails. How dare they?
She spends her time people watching and trying to figure out what types of people she is now surrounded by.
Guess which one I am!!Although, I honestly feel like I have been many of them one time or another. In one group or another.
Which one are you?
Thank you for sharing in my journey!
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