What I Realized Today: Our First Day Of Homeschooling

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If you follow me on Facebook, it is not new news to you that we started our First Day of Homeschooling today.

I have had many requests today for updates on how we did — so here ya go!

This year we have our oldest, B, continuing with Public School in Grade 7. There was a lot of back and forth on what he wanted to choose, but in the end his friends and his “normal” won out. Honestly, I am sincerely fine with whatever his choice is as long as he is ok, emotionally, with whatever his choice may be.

That being said, this morning together as a family we set intentions towards what this year will bring for each of us. What we are going to require of ourselves and each other. Which creates the energy of how this year will go moving forward.

C had an incredibly difficult year with Public School last year, so the choice to Homeschool seemed like a no brainer to him.

We did a two week trial during summer vacation for him so he would know what homeschooling is and if it was something he felt he wanted. Indeed it was.

I had prepared our school year prior to the trial so he would see clearly how our day was going to go. I made sure to Create the trial days with materials that he would be using during his actual school year to ensure he received a proper preview of what to expect, as well as what was expected. He loved it. He said “yup, mom this is exactly what I need for me!” (ūüėČHe makes me giggle)

E is four years old. Technically old enough for pre-school, so we have implemented some pre-school activities for her. Only about an hour a day to work with her and teach her letters and numbers and how to cut and paste. Nothing too stressful. She was the most excited out of everyone, last night, to start school.

So that brings us to today…Day 1! Today greeted us with sniffles and sore throats for C! So I knew today was going to be more difficult — he’s tired and depending on Tylenol in order to smile.

But let’s back up for one second — I dropped off B at Public School this morning, as I have done for the past eight years. But this year was different! I was filled with emotions that I have never experienced before. Contradictory feelings that kind of make me laugh, even as I share them with you.

As he gets out of the truck this morning every fibre of me wants to grab him back and say “No! Stay! You’re making a mistake — you need to homeschool – just come home!” Instead I plaster my smile on and wish him a “Good day and good luck!”

Yet, as I drive by the doors to which I normally would drop C, a part of me screams silently “Shit, what have we done! He should go to school! What if I ruin him?!” I grip the steering wheel and talk myself through in my head just as C says, from the back seat “Wow, mama! I don’t have to do that drop off anymore! This is the best day ever!” Small victory for both of us!!

So this morning was a tough day. More of an emotional turmoil day than I would have ever thought. More difficult to stand in my power of the choices we have made as a family than I thought it would be. But we made it. With lots of Lego breaks (for the littles) and lots of deep breathes (for me), we made it.

We finished our school day at noon. Yes noon! We didn’t jump into anything too major today as I’m sure the public school system was the same. I tried not to put too much pressure on myself to pump out something major for the first few days. Just getting them to the table and acquainted with the routine is a major win for us for now.

After lunch we went to the Public Library to pick up our reading material for our Morning Circle Time and part of our Morning Work, which includes Read to Self/Someone.

Then I treated my kids to the new playground that just opened over the summer. It was barely packed, but still quite hopping with people as it was 32degrees today! Still low crowd numbers was another major win in my books.

It was truly such a weird experience to “play” today. It was like we were doing something wrong. I felt as though I was looking over my shoulder waiting to justify why my kids weren’t in school.

Then I realized something. Something so big that I had to share.

We all carry programs. A program is something we are taught to keep us safe. Some programs are taught to us through the advice of others. And these programs we never have to test out in order to know it’s a good program to have such as “Don’t lick a knife.”

While other programs are created from our past hurts or from the actions of others. Our bodies create these programs so we don’t get hurt again, such as “Don’t rely on anyone, except yourself”

As I sat today and watched them frolic through the water, I realized. Public School is just a program we are taught. We are taught that in order to be successful in life, you must sit in a classroom between 9:00 and 3:30. You must sit with children your age. We are taught that you will learn with this group of kids and you will be graded according to the specs and perimeters laid out by the school system.

Now let me be clear: As I stated before, I still have a son in public school. I have no problem with it. He is surrounded by a fantastic school and this school has always been more than wonderful to us. We , also, experienced outstanding support last year with C and his anxiety.

And so Public School works! For my oldest son!

But it doesn’t work for C.

That being said, I am confident he will be fine with our homeschooling curriculum. I have spent HOURS, literally, on his curriculum. I have spent months researching resources in order for him to have the very best of what’s available to him. We have also been blessed beyond our wildest dreams, with people who are assisting in making this a great year for him. AND I am committed to making this work.

Public School is the social norm aka The Program we have all been taught. But it’s also not the only way to learn. It’s not the only way to be successful. I am confident C will learn this year. In the most unorthodox way, he will learn. And we will be ok.

We are schooling differently than I ever thought I would. But he will learn. He will learn his subjects by noon each day. And then he will learn at the park, at the pool, or wherever our afternoons lead us. And I will do it all without looking over my shoulder. And we will be fine. We will stand in our power and stand in our choice. For C and for us all

Thanks for sharing in our journey!


The Participation Ribbon: Don’t Worry Kids Know The Difference

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I was never particularly good at sports. In fact, I never excelled at athletics of any kind. I was clumsy and didn’t possess much rhythm.

Trust me, I tried to play volleyball or floor hockey, but my fear of getting hurt far outweighed my desire to crush a ball or wrestle my way into the fight for the puck.

Anyone who has ever taken a floor hockey stick to the knuckles or the shins knows the pain. It stays in your brain forever.

Each year, as an entire school we competed in Track and Field Day. An entire day dedicated to high jump, long jump, 100m sprints, relay races and other sports.

I never placed in the top three. Never was I adorned with the coveted red or white or blue ribbon showcasing to my small social nucleus that I was the Top Three in any given sport throughout that day.

I received a participation ribbon. I can’t recall what colour it was for two reasons.

1) I didn’t want the damn ribbon. It was a beacon, shining bright pinned to my track suit (yep, we actually wore track suits) declaring to everyone, “Sorry folks, I didn’t quite make it again”

2) I never saved a single participation ribbon. Not one. Because the value of such a ribbon was worthless.

So?? What’s my point???

Memes like this …..is my point!!


I have been out of school for 20 years. We have been giving out participation ribbons since I was in school.

And to the point I made above….we all knew the damn difference between winners and participaters.

We didn’t need anyone to tell us we didn’t do enough or that we didn’t win. We knew. Just like kids today know!!!

It didn’t fog our vision and make us think we deserved anything more. We knew we wanted to win the red, white or blue. And we knew what to do to get it.

In Grade 8, I discovered I could run, not fast, but far. I excelled at 3,000m and 5,000m. Upon my discovery of these events, I finally began to receive the red, white and blue ribbons. I worked hard to win those ribbons. I ran practically nightly in order to be able to run it without dying lol. Oh and guess what…the participation ribbons still didn’t mean anything.

Someone said to me once, “Allowing them a participation ribbon does not prepare them for life. There are no participation ribbons in real life!”

Ugh, shit, give me a break!

There isn’t a Santa Claus and Easter Bunny or, even particularly nice people in real life. But we let our kids all believe the contrary until they decide they are old enough to know different.

There are, unfortunately, murders and rapes and kidnappings and ugly in this world. Does it mean I’m going to plop my child down in front of CNN, you know … just to get them prepared for the real world. Absolutely not!

In my opinion, a participation ribbon isn’t making them self righteous little bastards.

Its teaching them, instead, that if you show up and complete a task people will notice and you will get a small satisfaction from that. The very same satisfaction you get from putting in a day’s work.

But, just like in real life, if you want to feel the rush of being the best– that’s available too — but you will need to create a goal and go for it!

Let’s not forget, it’s our job as their parents, their teachers, or their mentors to pat them on the back. To fill their little buckets of self worth so full, so when they get into the “real world” — the world that can be completely unfair and unforgiving — we have built them up enough to be strong in who they are. So they have self worth and self acceptance — so the real world doesn’t break them apart within a few short years of leaving your home of love and nurturing.

If a participation ribbon does that for my child., then by all means, pin it on him!!

But of course, this only my opinion from a girl who received partipcation ribbons and as a result was ill-equipped for the real world!! (100% snark intended)

Ps – I will leave my spanking opinions to myself (for now).

What’s your thoughts? Do you think a participation creates self righteous kids?? Why or why not?


Never Apologize For Saying: I Love You

The way others view us and the who we actually are can often be very different.

If you ask the people who have met me who I am they will say “She’s a super funny, happy-go-lucky type
of person who will tell you (or anyone) how she feels about something (or anything)”

And although there is truth in their observation — there are also a lot of things I don’t say. But most always, these “things” are my personal emotions.

People are often amazed when I cry or am scared or struggle.

I actually had a friend/client adorably equate me to Mary Poppins “seemingly perfect in every way”.

Which made me snort with laughter.

I have clearly done a brilliant job of holding myself together and creating a personality using the traits I want others to see me as.

And I think many of us have done this as well. We do it to keep safe. We do it incase people don’t understand us.

But I have also come to realize how much work it can be to hold your emotions. And how sometimes our emotions jump out at the most inappropriate times…..

I was set to take the stage at a huge tradeshow here in Regina. This tradeshow would become the largest audience I would ever stand in front of. The attendance for this show surpassed any numbers I had ever been able to pull in myself.

I was slated to do a live mediumship show. And let me be brutally honest when I say I was literally shitting my pants over it for MONTHS prior.

The amount of tears I shed could have alleviated the stress of anyone dealing against a national water shortage!

The big day had arrived. I had done my hair, my make up and chose my outfit. The rest of my job was to stand on stage and let spirit take over.

No easy task.

As you can tell from what I said above I like to control. Control my feelings and control how others see me. So for a controller to stand on stage and let 100 GHOSTS take over — well, I was SHITTING my pants again.

I am pacing next to the stage stairs, taking “deep, cleansing breathes” that aren’t actually doing a damn thing to calm my nerves.

As the emcee is introducing me, a lady meets my eye. A lady who I have known most of my life, but hardly ever see. We say hi, but I’m also trying to listen to when the emcee’s introduction ceases and I will be cued to step on stage.

So when my long time friend steps forward to begin our “catch up” chat I am, unfortunately, forced to cut her short and blurt out “I’m sorry — I’m going on in 2 seconds. I have to go”

She is incredibly gracious and understanding and says “Ohmigosh, no problem. Good luck!”

And I say “Thank you, I love you!”

Now, what I meant by that phrase was I love you for understanding. But instead I had just said “I love you!”

And soooo…. for over three weeks I berate myself for being weird.

Who says that — I would think to myself — to someone you haven’t seen in over 15 years. Who just blurts out I love you to a near stranger like that?!!??

Weeks later, she updated her Facebook status and so she appears on my feed. And I start thinking again about how weird I was during our brief meet up. So I decide. This has to stop. I need to apologize to her.

I write a private message:

Hey! So your name rolled across my Facebook and I’m remind….at ________ (tradeshow) I said I love you.

Lmao! Is it just me or did this seem creepy. Bahaha

I mean I’m sure you’re very loveable! But I was completely distracted and terrified to take the stage and meant I love you for understanding and letting me go….lol

Phew. Ok. That was bothering me and didn’t want you to think I was some kinda weirdo.ūüėČ

And then she responsed with THIS:

Oh Lana, never ever worry about saying I love you to me. Or any one for that matter.

I did not think at all that it was creepy or weird. Lol
It’s a kind gesture that more people should acknowledge and appreciate. I never thought anything more of it. ūüėä
So in saying all this, I love you too ūüėė
I hope you and your family are doing well. Maybe one day we can meet and have a nice visit.
Take care!

WOW!! Through my tears I formulated an adequate thank you response.

But the truth is her response affected me so profoundly over the past two years.

How many times have you stopped yourself from sharing how you feel or accidentally blurted out something that embarrassed you?

I know I had done it a million times. In my marriage. In my friendships. With my own family. I keep myself under control.

Never wanting to appear weird. Never wanting someone to be able to say “She’s too touchy feely for me”. Too clingy. Too much. Too weird.

But most importantly, and here’s the truth — never wanting to get hurt.

We see it so often in new relationship. We’ve heard of the person who has broken off a relationship because their new partner has blurted out “I love you” too soon.

We’ve seen poor Tom Cruise get ripped apart in the media for shouting his love for Katie Holmes from the rooftops (ok ok, from Oprahs couch). We all read the headlines that followed; wondering if he was high or just too deep in Scientology all because he has professed such a love so vocally!

Really?!!? This is our society. A place where professing our love is deemed as weird or unprofessional.

Let us all, together, commit to never apologizing for saying I Love You. Never apologize for sharing your feelings. Never apologize for feeling something so deeply that you can’t help, but blurt it out.

Ride this emotion. Ride the feeling. And enjoy the rush.

I can feel someone who is reading this thinking, “But what if they don’t feel the same? What if they don’t love me back!”

Then thank them for not wasting your time. And move on. If they don’t love you back — they aren’t your person. I know right now you can’t imagine a life without them, but one day you will look back and understand it was never what you thought it to be.

Dont worry! There are plenty of people who will love you back. They will appreciate you for you. Don’t waste your time on those who don’t.

We only get so many days on this earth and I don’t know about you, but I would rather spend my time with those who love me back, than those who do not!!

Share your favorite “I Love You” story in the comments below!


Twelve Types of Parents You See At Dance

I am a self proclaimed people watcher. Perhaps it’s because of my work as a Psychic and therefore, my ability to read nearly anyone, all the while appearing perfectly “normal.”

Or perhaps it’s because people are downright fascinating.

I’ve come to realize that every crowd can be divided into groups. Each crowd has the same “types” of people.

If you watch. If you sit quietly and just take it all in, you begin to see the same dynamic over and over.

Within crowds, we all find ourselves within the others present. Our tribe. The people who we resonate with. Those who we understand.

This weekend was E’s first dance class of the season. And our first dance class ever!

All us parents dutifully sat shoulder to shoulder politely waiting for our little darlings to complete their 45 minute initiation into the world of dance.

Once E is no longer visible on the big screen provided, I start to look around.

What a riveting group of people seated around me.
So just for a giggle, I divided them into types, in my mind.

And I thought I would share them with you:

1) The Purse Protector
This poor soul is convinced she has something magnificent in her purse that we all would want; her purse is the envy of us all and it’s only a matter of time before someone snatches it.
As a result, she clutches her purse tightly to her chest, for the entire 45 minutes of wait time.
She also either complete avoids eye contact. OR will glare at anyone who is a suspected Purse Snatcher.
Sometimes, if she senses she can trust the crowd, she will place her purse on the seat beside her. Thereby, taking away an available spot for another human!

2) The Posse
aka The Click
aka The Cool Kids
This is the “in crowd”. Usually consists of no less than five moms. All their daughters dance and their sons play soccer, TOGETHER. And on weekends, they drink wine and host dinner parties while their husbands drink in the garage, TOGETHER.
They can be found huddled in the corner together sharing coffee and laughing loudly; paying no attention to their dancing child on the TV screens provided.
When their child emerges from the class, one will state “That was fast” and all will agree!

3) The Socialite
She seemingly floats around the room to greet everyone she knows.
And she surely knows everyone.
She is mistaken for the studio owner or hostess (or whomever runs the event she’s currently at) but she is actually not affiliated in any way.
She will eventually make herself comfy seated in The Posse/Click.

4) The New Mom
She has guilted herself into registering her child for dance. She is clearly exhausted judging from her sweatpants, slept in pony tail and bags under her eyes.
She is convinced that if her child misses this, it will surely result in family therapy sessions for her in the teenage years. So she pushes herself to the very brink of her existence.
She will also have another child on her hip and stains on her shirt. (Child on her hip will be dressed in a sleeper and sporting major bed head)
This woman needs a friend. This woman needs coffee. Oh hell, this woman would weep for both. Smile at her.
Encourage her.
Support her.

5) The Pro at Being a Mom
She rolls in with a state of the art stroller housing two tiny babies, while hoisting an infant on her hip, a coffee, a dance bag and a toddler trailing behind her.
She is dressed in brand name clothes, tasteful makeup, perfectly placed hair and manicured nails.
The only reason you don’t throat punch her type of perfection is because she has spit up on the shoulder of her shirt and her toddler has decided to throw a full tantrum and you can tell she’s close to tears. Who wouldn’t be. This woman is a god damn super hero! The only reason she’s not wearing her cape is, clearly, because one of her kids barfed on it.

6) The Soft Talker Mom
This mom delivers all messages to her children laced with nouns like “Darling,” “Sweetie,” and I’m pretty sure I even heard “My little pigeon poop”. But all are carried out in just over a whisper. This Mom is also prone to frequent eyelash fluttering and nose dabs.
These types of moms make us question if our own children would respond better if we lowered our vocal octave.
Maybe they would pay attention.
Then we quickly decide, “Nah, they would never take us serious.”

7) The Deer In the Headlights Dad
Self explanatory: The Dad who has been elected, by his wife, to take his child to dance for, very obviously, the first time.
They can be found smushed up against the wall doing their best impression of a chameleon.
Often you will see DITH Dad “saved” by The Socialite. The Socialite will have never met the husband, but absolutely knows the mom (his wife) and the child.
The Socialite will place DITH Dad’s child in line and fix her shoes.
DITH Dad will look relieved.
BONUS: May sometimes appear as Wife is on Holidays Dad. The major tell tale characteristic of a WIOH Dad is the dancer will usually be dressed in an inside out bodysuit with tights OVER (not under) said body suit. In addition to the wardrobe malfunction, all other traits remain the same.

8) The Ultimate Snack Mom
This mom’s purse is the size of Costco and equally as stocked. She will continue to pull out Pintrest perfect snacks for her and brood for the entire 45 minute wait.
I forecast that Snack Mom will become part of the Posse before long.

9) The Former Dancer
She sits with poise and straight posture, her head held high and toes pointed.
She was on her way to the Olympics until she blew out her knee in practice and her dreams shattered.
She has a daughter now, who she hopes will carry on her dream.
She sits glued to the big screen as her “Mini Me” learns to tap while holding a scarf.
The Posse talks about her. But it’s only because she’s so damn elegant and well, they wish!

10) The Organized Mom
She comes armed with snacks, toys, iPads, crayons, colouring books, sand toys, blankets, games, playdoh, a puppy, a generator, a DustBuster and who the hell knows what else.
While her purse size rivals Ultimate Snack Mom, her snacks do not.
She is more than happy to encourage her children to “share” with EVERY other kid in the entire studio, much to her own kids dissatisfaction.

11) The Unorganized Mom
May be confused with The New Mom, but make no mistake these two are completely different.
She comes BOLTING through the doors ten minutes AFTER class has started only to ask her child, “Where are your dance shoes.”
She leaves her child inside while she runs back out to retrieve missing shoes from the back seat.
She returns, this time puffing, to drop her child into class.
She then hands the infant in her arms the car keys to chew on because she forgot the diaper bag, with his toys and bottle and diapers, at home.
She stares longingly at Organized Mom’s toy set up and spends the 45 minutes working up the courage to ask if her child can play too.
She also, silently prays that he doesn’t shit himself while they wait.

12) The Newbie
Her chaos started when she made this mistake of waiting until the week BEFORE dance class to get her child’s outfit. She had no idea how popular dance class is.
She shopped armed with the outfit list provided by the studio. And followed it to the letter. But the trauma from the last minute shopping trip still haunts her.
She follows all the rules of the studio ie: removing all shoes at the door and having her child’s hair in a ponytail or bun as was suggested in the pre-class email.
She is secretly annoyed with anyone who thinks they are above such rules and allows their child to wear different outfits than stated or *gasp* pigtails. How dare they?
She spends her time people watching and trying to figure out what types of people she is now surrounded by.

Guess which one I am!!Although, I honestly feel like I have been many of them one time or another. In one group or another.

Which one are you?

Thank you for sharing in my journey!


Why My Husband and I Need To Have A Chat

A few weeks ago my husband takes the kids out to run some errands with him. He somehow gets convinced to purchase the hilariously, funny “pile of poop” emoji pillow for the kids.

(Contrary to my first belief — it is NOT a sweet little
swirl of chocolate ice cream. It is indeed a pile of poop lol)

My kids are estatic! They burst through the door holding the “prize poop pile” high above their heads and E states proudly “Look Mama, Daddy bought us a SHIT HEAD!”

I laugh. Loudly! And say, “Umm I don’t think you should be calling it that?!!”

All the kids together inform me, “Dad said we can as long as we are only talking about the shit head”

Ohhhhh kaaaayyyy!!

Two short days later, I take E grocery shopping and just on the other side of the check out stand is a HUGE basket of shit head pillows.

E can hardly contain her excitement as she shouts from the seat of the cart “Mama, look at all the shit heads in this place!”


I bleakly look at the strangers in line and try to assure them she’s NOT talking about them.

Ughhh!! My husband and I will be having a chat!!

Thank you for sharing in my journey!


6 Things I Would Tell My 27 Year Old Self

It is said ….
With age comes wisdom
Hind sight is 20/20
Live and Learn

Sometimes I look back on my life and am in awe. In awe that I have lived to tell the story. In awe that I could be this strong.

This is not to be taken in a boastful way either. This is pure and genuine amazement on my part.

I endured a childhood of abuse. The physical abuse was present, but far less favored to the use of emotionally abusive tactics.

Physical abuse would leave evidence — emotional abuse did not.

I left my childhood home midway through my 12th Grade Year. Got a job, moved in with a family who gave me a room and I paid rent to them until I graduated. Upon graduation, I came to the realization that my high school boyfriend was not a good fit. Although abuse was not present, jealousy and possessiveness were equally a toxic pill to swallow.

A year later I would meet my husband. We would later get married, have three kids and I would spend no less than 10 years fighting my abusive childhood demons.

The number of times I considered ending it. The number of hours I spent in traditional counselling. The number of years I spent gulping down anti-depressants. All of these numbers are staggering. But I did it. I. DID. IT.

I think that’s the most amazing part of a personal healing journey is — you do it. No one can do it for you. No one can wish better for you. No one can do more for you. The only person who can change your life is you.

At 27 years old, my life was probably at its worst. I had completed hours of traditional therapy. Had jumped through every hoop they asked me to. Ate the pills. Did it all, but damn it if I didn’t feel any better.

Our oldest son was 4. And he was what kept me on this earth. My husband could find another wife, but I could’ve only imagined what the loss of a mother would do to my son – so I held on.

(Ps — my husband has never agreed with the “I will find another wife statement)

In the most difficult times there are a few things I wish I knew. And although I know the struggle is what brought me to the place I am in today — some of these tidbits would have saved me a lot of tears. A lot of pain.

1). Your mother was wrong — about everything
You will never get an answer as to why she never felt you were worthy of love. You will never know how she could hurt a child each day and seemingly convince herself “I’m doing better than I had — so that’s enough”

But please know you will never turn out like her. Even if you aren’t paying attention. You still won’t accidentally abuse your children. You just won’t.

Also — know you are worthy of love. You’re funny and a huge smart ass. Which, despite what she told you, is actually a great asset to have within this crazy, sometimes upside down, world.

You are a great mother who is patient and kind. Kids have a way of pushing you, but you still will never hurt them. So sit back and beathe.

Oh and someone will love you. He will love more fiercely that you could ever imagine love to be. She was wrong about that too!

2) Ditch the Traditional Counselling. Swear off the religion. Move straight to “Intuitive Counselling”

(This little nugget right here would have saved me 10 years of tears and faking my way through life)

Through a spiritual life coach you will learn how to release the old programs your mom created in your head. Releasing the “you’re stupid” “you’re ugly” “you’re a loser” “no one will ever love you” will make room for you to become the person you want to become.

3). You aren’t actually tired because of lack of sleep. You are tired because you hate your life and don’t know how to change it

You keep telling yourself that you’re tired. But, in truth, you don’t have the slightest clue how to fix your life. Which, admittedly, is quite exhausting. You have done counselling. You have ate the pills

You’ve made life Changes as frequently as possible. Thinking happiness will lie over the next hill. You’ve changed jobs, changed vehicles. Hell you even tried 100% cotton, granny underwear thinking it was the uncomfortable underwear choices.

Discouragingly none of these changes brought happiness. Why??

Because happiness is inside you.

Start loving you. Start taking care of you. Honouring you. Admiring you. Enjoy you. Be the truest version of you. And anyone who doesn’t get it, doesn’t matter!

4). Accept love.

From your husband. From your kids. From your friends. From your family. But most importantly from YOURSELF.

The person (your own mom) who is “supposed to” love you — atleast that’s what society teaches us — couldn’t love you to society standards. And that’s a tough lesson, kiddo.

But this fact does not mean you are unloveable. SHE could not love. This has no relevance in your future relationships unless you chose to carry it forward.

Someone will love you. They will trust you with their heart and their soul. They will love you when you are unlovable.

This is not a trick. This is real love. Accept it. Embrace it. Trust it

Don’t spent 10 years “testing” the love to see if it will hold. Don’t spend years with a wall built so damn tall around you that you have to hit bottom to begin tearing it down.

5). Stop saying “I don’t care”

Because you’re lying. You do care. You care so damn much that it hurts. There’s nothing wrong with caring.

In fact, it still hurts the same when the hurt comes. Just because you’ve braced yourself by shouting “I don’t care” doesn’t make it true.

Honestly, you will probably hurt twice as much when it hits because you will now be filled with hurt AND self resentment.

You will become so pissed off at yourself for somehow letting yourself fall for it and start caring. You will think and rethink about exactly WHEN you started caring. When the truth is, you always cared. You cared right away. You don’t do anything that you don’t care about.

You are trying to trick yourself — to trick your mind — into thinking you didn’t care. But the truth is, your heart always cared. Because that’s how you were built. Embrace it.

Oh and the hurts only hurts for a little while. But the self resentment is much more difficult to dissolve. Stay out of the self resentment trap.

6). Some people will understand you. Some will not. Neither is any of your business

You’re loud. You are big. You will rarely enter a party without the entire room knowing. You will be the person people talk about when you leave.

Some will talk about you because you made them laugh or made them feel more than they have in a long time.

Some will talk about you because you were too much for them.

Neither is any of your business. Your job is to be you.

AND Never ever dim your light to make someone else more comfortable.

Oh yeah, and you will get “shushed” a lot in your life. Don’t listen. Just use it as an opportunity to know you have arrived at the party.
What would you tell yourself???


Mercury Retrograde Explained: In Real Everyday Words That Won’t Put You To Sleep

Many of us have heard about Mercury Retrograde or Mars Retrograde, but trying to follow some of the mystic or astrological websites make us dizzy. Slowly our eyes roll into the backs of our heads and the words “90 degrees past Sagittarius moving into Scorpio” swirl around in our heads. We fight the urge to yawn, or fall into a deep slumber, as we move along the paragraphs into descriptions of “expanded consciousness” and “existence of our higher self.”

Finally we give up all together and think to ourselves, “What the sweet hell??? I just want to know what Retrograde is and why it is that I’m struggling at life right now!”

I will be honest, I live energy. I eat, breathe and sleep energy. I read books. I read articles. I follow energy based facebook pages and “Twitter people” and still I barely remain conscious while reading some of these retrograde articles.

In the spirit of remaining honest, I will also say, I know very little (astrologically) about Retrograde or Planets or stars or anything of that matter. I do know, however, what a retrograde is and what about it makes us feel like complete shit.

Right now, we are just ramping up into FOUR Retrogrades slated to bestow their craziness and woo-woo-ness (yep I just made that word up) hitting us between April 17 and September 26. All coming in and leaving at different intervals through the next six months.

So let me help you in sorting through the knowledge, allowing you to just retain what you need to know to make it through the shifts caused by this thing called Retrograde.

Let’s start simple:

What does Retrograde Mean?

Retrograde is defined as the ‘appearance’ of motion slowing down, nearly stopping and/or reversing direction. During Retrograde the planet, defined as “In Retrograde” will pass earth and for a brief moment in time, it would appear that we, Earth, are moving backwards.

A great example to explain what this means is:
Sometimes when we are driving on the highway and a semi passes you. And you have that moment of “Oh shit” because you feel as though you are actually going backwards. Even though you know you aren’t, for a moment, the motion suggests otherwise.

This is the very same as retrograde motion.

Why would a planet passing miles and miles and miles away affect me?

We are all energy. Believe in energy or don’t, it doesn’t make it any less true. We are all energy. We all made of 90% water. And water is made up of cells. And cells are energy. It’s science. The movement of something within the solar system will mess with the energy of all planets in the solar system. Anything that affects the Earth will affect you. Nothing major to “worry” about, but a truth nonetheless.

What do I need to know about Retrograde?

The most important thing to know about Retrograde is each planet governs different emotions. So depending on which planet is in Retrograde, will result in a conjuring up of different feelings or “sypmtoms” as a result of the Retrograde.

What feelings or side effects can I expect from this Retrograde for the next six months:

Each planet affects us differently as it goes Retrograde. For the sake of assisting you now, I will touch on only the three planets we will be dealing with in the coming months.

Mercury governs communication and technology. Expect delays, mixed messages, distractions, anger, poor communication with others or failing technology.

Mercury Retrograde happens twice over the next six months. April 28 to May 22 and then again, August 30 to September 21.

Pluto primarily deals with shedding the old and making room for new. Let go of old attitudes, beliefs or programs that are no longer working for you. It, powerfully, allows us to recreate ourselves and make a fresh start, by showing us what makes us unhappy, or makes us feel out of control. Giving us the opportunity to let go of any of those people, places or things that are no longer jiving with the life plan you’re creating.

Let me be clear, an old program is NOT that old Simply Accounting Disk you are still holding onto from ’97, although I would advise you to just toss it already! Instead it’s the things we have been telling ourselves for years that we no longer believe, yet still repeat them because it’s comfortable.

Such as “I don’t like public speaking”. Yet you have a job that makes you public speak and you actually rock at it. Embrace the public speaking and get rid of the program – it no longer serves you.

Pluto Retrograde takes place April 18 – September 26.

Mars is an excellent for strategizing and making plans. Personal energy levels can be extremely low during this retrograde, so it’s a great time for rest and recharging and honouring your body. Watch your tongue because anger flares up very easily during this time. Get ready to launch.

I always say, “If you can’t say anything nice, take a nap.” This type of retrograde would hold this line very true lol

Mars Retrograde happens from April 17 to June 29.

So as you can see all three of these retrogrades are happening one after the other, after the other.

What do I need to know to survive a retrograde?

First, replace the word survive with thrive. Retrogrades, while incredibly powerful and can conjur up some big emotions, are also great opportunities for growth and healing.

Next, embrace your inner Frozen hero, Elsa, and Let It Go! (Oh c’mom don’t pretend you don’t know who Elsa is!! And, absolutely, don’t pretend you don’t love her and all that she stands for)

Anything over the next six months, and I do mean ANYTHING, that creates anger or hurt or pain or resentment or jealousy, let it go. Anything that no longer is working for you or your family, let it go. Anything that no longer makes you happy or excited about life, let it go.

The very last step is to relax. iPad goes down, relax. Plane is late. Relax. Plans are not going according to plan. Relax.

*Stellar Tip: Dont fight against the energy. Try to go with the flow whenever possible. Especially in a Mercury Retograde when delays and technology glitches are at a high. And know you aren’t alone. Everyone is struggling, whether they are completely aware of it or not! Everyone Is wondering what the hell is going on. Relax and let it go!

Enjoy the journey!


I Did These 3 Non Traditional Things and Lost 35 Pounds

I recently lost 35 pounds. It has been significant enough that people have started to comment when they see me “Wow, you look great. What have you been doing?”

And then I get all awkward and say “Nothing” Because what I have been doing is weird and “hoopy-doopy” and non-traditional.
So then they begin to prod further. “C’mon, you gotta be doing something”

While I just shrug and mull in my mind a way to explain what I have been doing differently, they continue on, “Have you been eating healthier.” I shake my head.

“Have you been exercising,” they ask.

I will usually giggle and reply “I don’t run. In fact, should you ever see me running, you should run too because there is a good chance there is a large bear or an ax murderer chasing me”

So what did I do? I did these three weird and “hoopy-doopy” and non-traditional things

1) I started sending love to my body

I have not loved myself, well… EVER! I thought I did. I was a “normal” woman who closely inspected her body while undressing for the shower.


Completely avoided the mirror all together while undressing for the shower. But I certainly didn’t hate myself. Well, I didn’t think I did anyway.


I certainly didn’t find myself horrific to look at. I knew I was over weight, but I hated diets and exercise so I just stayed where I was at physically.

Society has taught us that women inspect themselves for flaws. (We’ve all seen the commercials) They are to keep trying to strive for perfect. To strive for flat tummies and/or abs. To strive for thin. To strive for a vision of fashion model perfect. And the irony is, if you quiz any woman they KNOW that the fashion magazines are photoshopped. That they aren’t true representations of the model herself. We know. Yet we still hold the visual.

So we strive for perfect. We count calories. We diet. We ration our portions. We run. We exercise. We deny ourselves chocolate cake and peanut buster parfaits and wine, our beloved wine! All to aspire to be the photo of perfection that we know doesn’t exist.

And let me be clear: Some people LOVE exercise. Some people LOVE pushing their limits on a weight bench. Perfect. Honor that. But I’m not that woman. It’s hell for me. I never enjoy that process and rarely remain committed to a work out routine or diet. Could that change for me someday? Sure. But not today. And tomorrow’s not looking promising either. (Lol)

I was at a Seminar in March of 2015 for the betterment of my business as a Psychic Medium with the amazing, and incredibly talented, Jodie Rollins.

During the seminar she stated “No matter what you tell yourself about your body, it reacts. Your body is the biggest form of energy. If you believe your fat, the energy will react and bring you more. If you fill your body with love and appreciation, your body will react. No matter what you tell your body it will react.”

(I’m paraphrasing, of course, but you get the idea)

I came home with a lot from that seminar that weekend, but this had to be the most

For those of you who have worked with me in the past or attending a live empowerment show, you’ve heard me say “I’m a tangible girl. Don’t just tell me something is going to work, prove it to me”.

I don’t teach anyone anything I haven’t proven myself. I don’t know why, but so far it’s seemed to work out that way.

(Sorry I went off on a little tangent there)

I came home from the seminar and began testing the theory. Each night as I undressed for the shower instead of inspecting my body for flaws, I began sending love:

Thank you stomach for housing THREE beautiful kids for nine months until they were strong enough to come into this world.

Thank you hands for holding my coffee to my lips each morning so I can start my day with my smile.

You get the point. On and on I went throughout my entire body. And although I began to lose weigh it wasn’t significant, but my body did shift. I lost about 5 lbs with sending my body love.

So then came the next step. The step so big that when it was suggested to me, it literally made me sweat. My body had such a HUGE reaction to the mere IDEA that I put it off. For weeks.

Finally nearly two weeks later, in full out sweat, I took the next step.

2) I created “I love myself” visual reminders

Armed with neon orange sticky notes, I embellished each slip of paper with bold, black letters that stated “I LOVE MYSELF”

I placed them every where. I swear I did. And my housekeeper would vouch for me as she had to clean around more than one.

I placed them in my bathroom on the mirrors. In my fridge on the shelves where I could see them. Inside every cupboard I used daily. Inside my phone case. In my truck. EVERYWHERE.

Each time I saw them I would take a breathe and recite in my head “I love myself” and then breathe out. That’s it.

They, also, created a fun reaction in our home. Each time my husband or my oldest son, went for milk or cups they would declare, I love myself!! It was awesomely supportive and so great to have everyone (who could read) reciting these words too.

I should add: Loving yourself does not make you boastful or arrogant or self-righteous. Loving yourself brings you peace. Instead of looking to others for compliments or to fill your cup of self worth — you go within. It’s beautiful and creates a personal strength.

And when you finally do receive a compliment from someone, it will be a nice, extra little gift to you that you can hold onto with your already existing self love.

The compliment will become the icing on the already existing cake. Instead of depending on someone else to provide the cake AND the icing. (Yep, I love cake that much to
create an analogy around it lol)

3) I listened to my body and honoured it

The last thing I did was honor my body. I began to eat what my body wanted. ANYTHING it wanted. I am so serious when I say ANYTHING. For the first week I, literally, ate a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait EVERYDAY! People find this step the most unbelievable.

Maybe it was my body or maybe it was my mind who was craving the parfait, but regardless I didn’t deny myself any craving.

Very soon I stopped craving the snacks that are deemed by society as “unhealthy” and started craving other foods. A variety of foods. Sushi, chicken (lots of chicken for some reason) and salad!

I’m now eating things because I want to and not because someone else said I could or could not. Eatinfg them because I have listened to my body and honoured it. No denying anything. I can’t even tell you what’s a “good fat” or “bad fat” or what a carb is. It doesn’t matter to me anyway. If my body wants chicken – it gets chicken. And if wants ice cream, yep I eat ice cream.

No denying. No portion control. No more telling myself if I can have something.

This step was perhaps the most empowering because society has created a laundry list of foods that are good or bad. Healthy or unhealthy. But remember your body reacts no matter what you tell it.

So go ahead, tell your body that what you just ate has a TON of sugar and will cause you to grow another ass cheek OR tell your body – if this is what we want this is what we will have.

Just imagine for a moment the energy you create when you give yourself a “cheat day”. You are telling your body: “Everything I’m putting in my body is BAD” and so you are sitting in that BAD rebellious energy all day. Please stop causing yourself this type of guilt.

How did I listen to my body. Before preparing supper each night I sat with each meal option in my mind. And would imagine eating it. Let yourself imagine the taste, texture etc. Do you still want to eat that?? If yes, honor it. If no, continue imagining different meals options until your excited about what you are preparing.

I started these processes one year ago. But seen significant changes in my body when I implemented Steps 2 & 3.

I don’t have the usual before and after pictures because, quite frankly, I was a HUGE skeptic who didn’t believe this shit would actually work (lol), and most certainly didn’t expect 35 pounds of weight loss. But I promise you, it indeed does work! Do I guarantee you a weight loss. Nope because that will get me sued. But I do guarantee a peace of mind. And self love!

Now, I’m sure you can understand why I get awkward when someone asks about my weight loss. Because it’s ALOT to tell people. It’s a lot for people to absorb. But it’s also a lot of weight to lose without owning the HOW!

*Funny little side story. An acquaintance recently asked what I had been doing and I was feeling rather brave that day so I tell her all I have just written above and her reply was priceless.

With huge eyes and complete awe she asked “wow that is Oprah worthy — do you know Oprah??!”

Bahahaha – ummmm no, but maybe someone could hook a sister up!

I would love to hear from you if you decide to try this. Be patient and kind to yourself. It’s a beautiful process. <3

Thank you for sharing in my journey.


How My Daughter Is Helping Me Stand In My Power


This is my lil princess.¬† She is four and was given the honor of “no mommy opinions” on her outfit yesterday.¬† This was the result that was posted on my facebook page yesterday.

Now don’t get me wrong, when I say there was “no” mommy opinions I should¬†actually state,¬†there was minimal mommy opinions.¬† In fact, let me even more clear – there was a beginning of a mommy opinion (as my sister will attest to, as she was on the phone with me while the outfit choosing was happening) and I TRIED to encourage her that this outfit does not match.¬† But Miss E did not want to hear anything regarding my opinions on her fashion choices.

So let’s run through the outfit together – just in case you think your eyes are failing you.

Miss E is sporty a tres chic leopard print faux fur jacket complete with white fur and gold adornment.¬† She showcases (under the jacket) a beautiful “My little Pony” themed sleeveless sundress (with a white sweater to make up for the lack of sleeves).¬† Under the sundress, staying within the ‘My Little Pony’ theme are leggings with her favorite horsey friends…keep in mind said leggings are from a completely different outfit all together.¬† On her feet you will find super fun and brightly striped socks in every girls favorite colors of pink and ORANGE.¬† Topped with Hello Kitty sparkle shoes.¬†¬† Of course no outfit would be complete without her Sofia the First Sunglasses and her WINTER mittens¬† because she had the sniffles. (Her theory, not mine)

WOW!!!  And dang, did we get looks.  Looks from teachers, smirks from parents and one dad, waiting in his truck in the bus bay, actually laughed out loud, appreciatively, and then gave me the thumbs up.
Now let me be perfectly honest.¬† This is the VERY first time EVER that ANY of my kids have been permitted to leave the house in this state.¬† Don’t get me wrong, they have had some small outfit casualty from time to time, but NOTHING like this bag-lady chic she is showcasing her.

And it made me think.¬† Why have I never afforded my children this freedom.¬† And so I’m about to be honest……

Because I couldn’t handle what others parents would think of me.¬† Honestly!! I lived in constant fear and under the misbelief that if my child didn’t look perfect at any given time in public that somehow I was a bad parent,¬† Or atleast would be viewed as such.

Over the past year, I have worked so hard on saying “Fuck it”¬† — and I own the book by this very title.¬† And slowly but surely, I am embracing concepts within the pages.¬† One is to stop caring what people think.¬† Really…who gives a shit if people think anything of you – be it good, bad or inbetween.

I have also logged MANY hours with my Life Coach on this very topic.¬† Who was the one to set me on the “Fuck it” path.

By allowing Miss E to have the freedom to wear what SHE chooses, she is learning to stand in her power.¬† She was so excited to show off her outfit of favorites to her brothers when we picked them up after school.¬† She didn’t care, at all, what anyone thought of her outfit.¬† She stood in her power, so confidently.¬† She could teach me so much.

We all need to stop caring about what anyone thinks of us.¬† And not in a “fuck you” space, but in an “I love myself” space.¬† Do you feel the energetic difference in those two statements?¬†¬†Once you are in a space where you can truly appreciate YOU, love YOU and are happy with YOU, you are awarded a peace.¬† A peace of mind and a peaceful heart..

Yesterday I captioned this photo:
On the days kids dress themselves they should come with a sign that states “Don’t judge my mommy – I did this to myself”

To which one mom replied that she in fact made her child a pin to wear on these days that stated exactly that “I dressed myself.”¬† And let me be clear – I love the freedom this homemade pin afforded the mom – to allow her child to dress however they wanted them and rewarded them with this super fun pin.¬† So great!

But yesterday I posted this reply:
Truthfully I would make her a pin. But I really need to learn to say Fuck it. I don’t care what people think. If someone honestly thinks this was my outfit of choice for her then I guess it is what it is.

I did try to fight her today about what to wear but honestly at her age THIS is her independence. She doesn’t get to choose what to eat or when to go to bed and most certainly can’t cross the street alone. So for now she’s gonna rock this outfit.

And I will learn to stand in my power and be ok with her choice. I love how my kids constantly teach me!

Buuuut should you find the colourful pin – I would be interested in borrowing it lol

And in that moment I realize, I am actually doing it.¬†I’m¬†actually¬†beginning¬†to break down the¬†walls of “What do they think” and replacing them¬†with “Fuck it” ¬†A year ago, NEVER would I have allowed my child to leave the house in this outfit.¬† NEVER!!¬† I would have fought with her and went to the wall to make her “appear appropriately” in public.

Because I would have been embarrassed.  I would have felt the need to justify to anyone we passed, she dressed herself.  And then make fun of her outfit with them.  Yesterday it made my heart ache to think of belittling her choices, just to make myself feel like a good mom infront of strangers.  Let that sink in, I was CHOOSING to belittle my daughter to help strangers find me an acceptable parent.  UGH!!!  Makes my heart hurt!!

But yesterday, my daughter helped me stand in my power, and she helped me do this, by standing in hers. Yesterday, I did¬†NOT throw her under the bus and laugh at her choices.¬† I smiled.¬† I took a picture.¬† I asked her “Are you happy with that outfit”¬† She proudly stated “Yes, Mama”¬†¬†As I took her little hand in¬†mine, and we left the house, I¬†looked down at her and smiled back and said “Good,¬†then I’m happy too”

She was so incredibly happy.¬† She didn’t give a shit that anyone was looking at her or not.¬† She was happy.¬† In her mind, she had clothes,¬†she had¬†her mama and she was picking up her brothers, who she missed all day.¬† And whatever anyone else thought was none of her business.

I love my kids for what they are constantly teaching me.¬† Whether they are teaching me something new or showing me how far I have come – it doesn’t matter.¬† They are here on my journey and helping me every step of the way.¬† Love love love my kids!

AND while they are teaching me РI am allowing their independence.  Sounds like this is filled with winners all around!

Thank you for sharing in my journey


Please, Stop Glorifying Tired

You can’t glide through your social media news feed each day without seeing a meme like this:

Parenting Meme.png

Or a million others that are similar.

OR we have that friend who feels the need to post everything they accomplished today.
“Feed the dog, washed the dishes, did three loads of laundry and now supper is cooking.”

Since when did being tired or constantly “on the go” become such a glorified existence.

Yep, I’m tired.¬† I absolutely am!¬† I have three kids, maintain a house, and up until February I worked.¬† BUT I never once felt like I need to push through tired.¬† Why is tired a good thing?

If you ARE tired – your body is SCREAMING at you.¬† It’s sending you a message to please stop.¬† To please have a break.¬† To sit and BE for one day or two days or seven days.¬† To sleep.¬† To nap.¬† To do anything to refill your tank.

Since when is running on empty something we brag about with our friends.  If you are tired from running your kids every where and you have been tired for the past three years Рits time to consider a new life schedule.
I personally know one lady who, every single time I see her, when I say “Hey how are you?” She states “Tired” or “Exhausted”¬† Seriously??!!¬† Why?¬† Why are you running yourself so ragged that you are tired ALL. THE.¬† TIME.

Don’t get me wrong.¬† We get tired.¬† Sometimes.¬† But if you are constantly run down or burnt out or feeling so incredibly exhausted that THIS is the version of yourself you are presenting to the world, it’s time to reconsider what you are making a priority in life.

I get it – we are busy people.¬† But truthfully I hate the word BUSY!¬† Busy is merely an excuse so we don’t have to do the things we don’t WANT to do.¬† Just own it – instead of saying you’re busy – say you don’t want to.¬† Allow yourself the freedom of deciding – I don’t want to.¬† It’s ok – nothing is going to blow up.¬† In fact, if someone gets angry at you because you have stated “I don’t want to”¬† That’s their reaction – not yours.¬† Start setting boundaries.

Stop glorifying busy and tired.¬† We are creating a generation of kids who are so run ragged that they don’t know what to do with free time.¬† They get bored because they have no idea how to use their imagination.¬† They don’t have time to

I know you want to know – how do I create more time.

Here’s a couple tips:
1) Dump anything from your schedule or your kids schedule that they don’t LOVE.¬† If it doesn’t light you up and excite you – don’t waste your time, money or effort on it.¬† There is plenty of things out there that you will want to go to every week.¬† It shouldn’t feel like work.

2) Stop volunteering for things you hate.  Really.  If it helps think of it this way:  How you feel about something is the energy you take with you.  If you hate sitting at a registration desk for events, but you volunteer for it anyway Рguess what kind of energy you are sending out from behind that registration desk.

3) If you child is NOT in 8,000 activities per year, please know they will not start to light fires and torture kitten and become bad members of society.  It is safe for them to roam the streets and hang with friends.  If you have taught them correctly they will not light fires while they are out and about.

4) Honor your body.¬† If you are tired, nap!¬† If you are too tired to clean, don’t clean today.¬† It will be there tomorrow.¬† Start to encourage your family to HELP you make meals or clean up or whatever it is to give you more time.¬† We are so fortunate to live in a time when men and women are equal parents, make sure everyone is pulling their weight so you can breathe.

5) No one is perfect.¬† We all feed our families shitty meals from time to time.¬† Or we don’t do the laundry each week.¬† Or our kids wear the same clothes to bed that they wore in the sandbox that afternoon (because they are their favorites)¬† Stop trying to be perfect.

6)¬† Don’t compare yourself with what you see on facebook.¬† 90% of Facebook statuses are bullshit.¬† Seriously.¬† NO one is as happy or as motivated all the time as their Facebook profile will lead you to believe.¬† So stop doing things because you think every other parent is doing them.¬† Create your lifestyle with what serves YOUR family and no one else.

And most importantly, please stop denying your body what it needs.¬† Whether that’s sleep or time to play or create or draw and run or whatever it is that fills you.¬† When you honor your body, you fill your cup.¬† When you fill your cup – you can give more to those around you.¬† If you’re running on empty you can’t serve anyone.

Now go listen to your body!