And The Truth Shall Set You Free!

I’m done hiding. I’m done feeling ashamed. I’m done. I’m exhausted from hiding away and biding my time until all the smoke has blown over. I miss my blog and I miss my people. I miss writing and creating and “word magic”.

I’ve been gone for a long time. I held a lot of reasons why I couldn’t blog. Why I had to wait. The truth was I was scared. I gave two men the ability to hold the power in our house and in my thoughts. Like prey surrounded by predators, I pulled myself deep into my burrow and kept my head down. But I have finally poked my head up from my hidey hole to share my truth.

In May, my world fucking exploded. My husband came home and told me that we were in deep DEEP financial trouble. First allow me to disclose that upon my staying home with our kids, I willingly forfeited all financial knowledge within our house. I didn’t pay bills or contribute to the household income in any way. It was 100% on my husband’s shoulders. Thank fucking gawd, he has big shoulders, but I digress. My extent of financial involvement: I would ask “Are we ok?” He would assure me we were and off I went. It worked for me, I wanted to be taken care of and hold no financial responsibility and he was willing to let me do just that.

So when he came home and said we were in trouble I went through an array of emotions, from pissed off to disappointment to shame; at him and also at myself. Yet, as much as I wanted to say “Fer fuck sakes, Don” the truth was that I also allowed it by not doing a damn thing to change it.

There are many reasons why we found ourselves in the trouble we were in, from poor financial decisions for the past 20 years, to failed business attempts (on my part) to hefty dental bills (for our entire family) topped off with significant business losses (on my husbands end). Add all these together and we have a recipe for a fire-y blaze of epic proportions.

Our household finances were held together by good looks and pure fucking luck over the past three years. That’s the absolute truth. Ok, fine maybe it wasn’t THAT horrible, but it wasn’t great that’s for sure! We were convinced we could dig out, but eventually we just couldn’t.

The government reminded us of this when they froze all of our bank accounts (due to a significant accounting error we endured a back payment that had yet to be paid)

And then, my husband was gifted one last swift kick in the balls when he was accused of defrauding a company in which he was partners. That’s when the blaze started fucking roaring out of control.

Through tears and pure adrenaline the decision was made to downsize, liquidate and start over. Clear our slate. We listed our house and our lake property. In addition, my husband was forced into a buy out position at his partnership business (which was a secondary business he carried with these “friends”). Don would continue with his personal business and I would increase my work load while homeschooling the kids. We nodded, agreed and off we went.

We quickly got cozy with lawyers and accountants and family and friends. Anyone and everyone who could help us get this fire under control. For six months every waking moment was devoted to digging out of the debt and as well as extinguishing the FUCKING RIDICULOUS accusations.

By October everything was done. Our house was sold as well as our lake property was sold. The false accusations towards my husband were proven to be just that, FALSE and the corporate buy out was complete and we were settled into a new house on an acreage.

We are now four months out of the fire. With time comes clarity. Every movement has a gift, however it’s impossible to see it while the flames are licking at your face. But once the rubble is cool, a person can go back and hunt through the ruins for treasures. That’s the spot we are in now. Hunting for treasures.

As I look back, I can smile because we were gifted so many things:
1) A new respect for our family. For six months, all they heard about was how the fight was going. New changes or little movements that we had to conquer. Each and every conversation was probably exhausting to them, but they all supported us. They held our hands. They wrote cheques. They cried with us. They got angry with us. They came up with ideas and game plans to make it all bearable.

2) We made new friends. We needed all the resources we could find. We called people that we “hoped” could help us with the industry knowledge they carried. What we got was a new group of people who helped us redefine the word friendship. These people became our personal army. A tribe of people who made calls to their people to help us come up with ideas to make things move more quickly and easier.  In addition, it strengthened our friendships with those who truly emotionally supported us.

3) I learned my own ability to manifest. We were listing a house that was built in 1990. Not extremely old by any means, but old enough for the price point it was listed at that even realtors were questioning the speed in which that house would sell, due to the current financial situation in the Regina housing market. Yet our house sold in THREE MONTHS! Not as quickly as I would like, but it moved and with little issue. We also sold our lake property in ONE MONTH. Contrary to the other properties out there which has sat for over a year (or even up to five years for some)

4) I learned my ability to get clear on what we want. We had trouble finding a new house, we had specific requirements we wanted and it was no easy feat to find it. We had a specific location, house size and land size that we all wanted in order to move into the next phase of our life. When the time came, we got all that we wanted (plus a bit more, because, what can I say, I’m just that fucking good at following directions I learned from attending manifesting coaching calls lol)

5) We learned that some people were never meant to be our friends. That some people were chose as friends, merely because we shared the same interests as them. Instead of considering who they truly were. How they would react when someone was in trouble. True friends are those who HELP you when you’re in trouble. Friends are not those who take an opportunity to take you down at the knees when things are tough.

6) Financial Freedom. For the first time EVER since the day we met, we are financially free. We do not carry an outstanding balance on anything. We have the ability to move or do whatever we choose.

7) Plan for the future. We have never had the freedom to truly plan for our future. What we want for ourselves and our kids and our lives. We have always been in a fight or flight financial situation. We are now making decisions based on long term financial freedom.

I can say many vulgar things about our situation and the men that contributed to it, but the truth is, it has been a gift. It has offered us the opportunity to completely start over, freely and without a knee jerk, “keep the vultures at bay” mentality.

We decided to move to an acreage. We had thrown around the idea eight years ago before we bought the house in the city. Back then, we had decided we wanted the kids to attend a city school, but now, with three kids who are homeschooled we felt more free to move anywhere we wish.

The kids love the acreage. We have been here since October and my kids have collectively logged more hours outside than they ever had in the city. My oldest has the ability to snowmobile right outside our door. We are getting chickens and going to plant a garden. The idea of all of this makes my heart so happy sometimes I think it might explode. We are truly in the most peaceful and happy space we have ever been. And all thanks to the grossest, most difficult moment we have ever had to move through.

Don and I, well we have grown as a couple. Last year if you would have asked me I would have said “I can’t imagine it getting better” yet after this has all rolled out, we are stronger than ever. I love that man, for all he did for us. For the amount of stress he was under, he handled it. It was his good looks that kept our finances together. And I thank god for him. Together, we weathered the storm and now we share. We co-create. In truth, I thought we did that before, but NOW I realize, we are co-creating.

So there you have it. I’m now back in the blogging saddle. I have missed this space. I will not hide anymore. People will say what people will say. AND SO WILL I!

What Price Would You Put On Your Life?

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

According to Google, the average person will own 12 vehicles in their lifetime; with an average price tag of $33,560 EACH!  Cities are filled and overflowing with car lots showcasing new and shiny vehicles ranging in econo to luxury.

Their flashy chrome packages or sleek tire rims wrapped in the aroma of the coveted “new car smell” makes even the most stealthy, household budgeter lustily swoon.

We have been trained, as a society, that the number of kilometers on a vehicle indicates how GOOD the vehicle is.  Any vehicle over 200,000kms becomes an object in which individuals squint and drive; surely convinced their vehicle is nearly worthless and ready to break down.

Recently, at a tradeshow, as I discussed my hourly rate with someone, she scoffed at me, rolled her eyes, and asked me, “How do I justify that kind of expense in my life.”

I get it.  I understand that the mere idea of spending $180 on yourself for a ONE hour session can boggle your mind.  I also, understand not every budget can accommodate this type of extravagance.  However, I want to wager a guess, that many households can afford it, yet choose to put their money elsewhere.

In fact, I will confidently lay down a bet that the belief structure of it being an obscene expense is really just that – – a belief structure.

And far be it from me to judge.

Instead I would like to add a perspective to this that perhaps some of you have never considered:

<First, I would like to take this juncture in the post,  to clarify this is not my personal plea for a larger client base.  It is merely the showcasing of a trend.  A trend that does not serve you.  A trend that you have believed; perhaps without even realizing it.  And I implore you to gift yourself the opportunity think differently.>

Six years ago, the idea of spending this kind of money on myself each week to get me out of my depression seemed staggering.  I had very little issue, however, justifying the anti-depressant prescription bill each month.  And the time off work because I was continuously sick, seemed a small cost to pay as well.

Yet the prospect of spending a large amount of money for ONE hour, well … my brain just simply could not justify it.

The only reason my husband and I agreed to a life coach was because every other avenue had created very little results.  We were at a “nothing-to-lose” crossroads, so we apprehensively spent the money.

Over the past six years, if I had to guess, I would say that I have spent (easily) near $30,000 on the betterment of my health.  This money was used for private hourly sessions, conferences, workshops and whatever else I needed to learn how create my life.  At one time, I recall, spending upwards of $750 in just ONE MONTH (for several months), on private life coaching sessions in order to keep on track.

<I literally heard a whistle escape your lips.  Just bear with me.>

How could I justify that expense?  How did our family live?

Purchase yours at

We lived with this thought process …

When I was 21 years old I walked into the local Chevrolet dealership and drove a brand new Blazer off the lot.  It had 15kms on it.  It was sweet.  It was my baby and I was so proud.  Yet, that thing nearly broke me financially.  It was horrible on fuel as it only got about 20miles per gallon.  Add to that the insurance per month and the monthly payment.  I was easily spending $600 per month.  (The bill would be higher, should I decide to take the “gas guzzler” on a road trip – yeesh)

At the end of three years, I sold the Blazer because it was too hard on fuel, and bought a Chevrolet Malibu.  Although it wasn’t brand new as the Blazer was, it was still only two years old.

What’s my point?  I never batted an eye over buying the Blazer.  Never.  I wanted it.  I had convinced myself that I would do anything to afford it. And I did.

So why don’t we give the same courtesy to our body.  To our minds?  To our spirits?  Why can we justify a vehicle purchase — but not a coaching session? (or any monies spent towards the betterment of your mind, body and spirit –  such as hot yoga, organic food, alternative healing modalities, etc)

What if we consider our bodies our vehicles.  Except with this vehicle, YOU ONLY GET ONE.  There is no trade ins when the kilometers get too high.  There is no lease buy backs or absolutely no refunds.

This body IS IT.  You only get one.

We would NEVER expect our Blazer to run without an oil change or seasonal maintenance.

Yet, we expect our bodies to.

We never expect our Blazer to come sit on our driveways for free.

Yet we expect our bodies to.

Consider your body your vehicle.  What price would you place on your life?

People say, how will my family live without that money I’m spending on me?  Well guess what, if I hadn’t spent that money on me, my family would be without me.   I wrote about this in a post entitled “To the Edge and Back” – so I won’t rehash again for you now lol

I will just say this:  I’m confident my husband and I would spend the money again, if it meant I could be the person I am today.  If it meant I could smile and be present in their lives like I am now.

$30,000 is a heck of a deal for the vehicle that is my body!  What price would your put on your life?

Thank you for sharing in my journey.

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